Wednesday, April 30

Top 5 Reasons I Fully Expect Dan (and Slynn) to be Talking in British Accents this Weekend

1. Dan picks up accents, and he can't put them down.
2. Slynn was really charmed by the Brighton atmosphere, I imagine it got in to her brain. The speech center of her brain.
3. They'll want to recount for everyone the details of their adventure, which includes the nature of the people they met over there, which includes their accents.
4. Did I mention that Dan has a hard time getting rid of accents? One time in college we talked in fake British accents for a whole weekend retreat. It was fantastic, but then Dan kept talking with his accent for the rest of the week. It was funny, because he couldn't stop. Monte got mad.
5. There are certain uniquely British words that can't be said without an accent. For example, "Brilliant," or "Top of the Pops." Dan loves Top of the Pops. All his favourite bands on one TV show.

Sunday, April 27

Top 5 Events (So Far) of Moey and Holly's Trip to Hawaii

1. Getting leid.
2. Getting drunk on coconut milk.
3. Making people nervous by repeatedly using the phrase, “swimming with the fishes.”
4. Spear-hunting dolphins.
5. Defacing LOST film equipment with graffiti that reads, "You LOST me in Season 2!" and "Kiss my ass, Ben!" (While drunk on coconut milk.)

Top 5 Most Depressed People

1. Contestants on The Price Is Right. (A years supply of V8 can only keep you happy so long)
2. Newlywed virgins. (Virginity is a one time gig...)

3. East Germans of 1989/90. (Socialism was all that it was cracked up to be...)
4. Sally Field at the Oscars. ("I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!" and then very quickly we didn't!)
5. Speed addicts. (Abuse or overdose effects can include tremor, restlessness, changed sleep patterns, anxiety hyperhidrosis, psychomotor agitation, nausea, tachycardia, irregular heart rate, hypertension, headaches, hyperreflexia, tachypnea, gastrointestinal narrowing, and weakened immune system and increase in pre-existing anxiety and poor skin condition. Fatigue and depression can follow the excitement stage. Erectile dysfunction, heart problems, stroke, and liver, kidney and lung damage can result from prolonged abuse.)

Thursday, April 24

Top 5 Most Excited People

1. Contestants on The Price Is Right.
2. Newlywed virgins.
3. East Germans of 1989/90.
4. Sally Field at the Oscars.
5. Speed addicts.

Top 5 Things to Look Forward To

1. Grad Banquet - tonight. It's always full of food and fun.
2. Grad Ceremony - tomorrow. Always a great celebration of accomplishment.
3. Sleeping in -Saturday Morning. Fairly self-explanatory.
4 A week of uninhibited work on my tasks - next week. No more last minute errands to run.
5. Our trip to Kelowna - May 2nd - 4th. Surprise! We're coming out on that weekend! And we may need somewhere to stay on the Saturday night (Dan and Slynn?)

Wednesday, April 23

Top 5 Things I Would Kill For Right Now

1) My pillow
2) My comforter
3) My bed, my beautiful, tiny little college dorm bed
4) My fleece pajamas, the ones with the little bunnies hugging and saying "Snuggle Up"
5) Sleep. Deep, undisturbed sleep. The polysporin for my poor, sleep-deprived, festering, infected mind. Let me gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo........

I simply loathe working graveyards.

Tuesday, April 22

Top 5 Thngs I will miss from England

1. Walking to work along the sea. Gorgeous!
2. Walking everywhere in the town. Especially amongst the cute little shops in the lanes.
3. Having the opportunity to explore a new city, try out all the restaurants, shop at all the stores.
4. Bricks. And chimneys.
5. Cream tea. I have only had this once, but it was so yummy. We already have a reunion trip planned to the Jammery outside Vernon where they supposedly server English cream tea.

Top 5 Things I am looking forward to in going home

1. My bed
2. My kitchen (Linked to this is my own food, specifically vegetables. The English don't eat vegetables it seems)
3. Seeing friends
4. My office at work (I know, it seems strange, but I have a great office!). It will be good to see my team too
5. Going to the gym again

Top 5 things this last post made me realize I sometime feel like I am missing

1. Feeling like I am a part of a greater picture, along with the people around me
2. Feeling like my prayers really do matter
3. Feeling enlightened by conversations with people
4. Feeling challenged by those around me
5. Feeling like I am making a difference in other people's lives

Monday, April 21

Top 5 Ways to Survive a Graveyard Shift in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside

1) LAUGH. When someone decides to set a garbage can on fire at 4 in the morning, you're only allowed to run around frantically for a certain amount of time. Reassure the concerned tenants that have actually woken up to the ridiculously loud alarms (most are in a drug-induced, semi-comatose state or out working the streets), push all the buttons you can see on the fire panel, phone the fire department to keep them at bay, wake up your supervisor for more clear instructions on which buttons to push because nothing seems to be working, get to the correct fire panel, turn off the wretched noise, then sit back and laugh. Manically. And sporadically. Stop suddenly for a few second intervals and then continue as the spirit moves.

2) SING. It helps. Seriously. Especially when you're fishing out rig after rig out of a garbage can, and pray to God that you don't get stuck by one and end up with HIV.

3) Drink lots of tea with a bunch of different people. Get to know them better. One lovely lady told me tonight that she's sending me a wedding invitation soon, because in a few months she'll be getting married to Jesus, the Lord Master. She's really excited. She's going to sew her own wedding dress and everything. (From what I've gathered, I think something went wrong in an Alpha course she took some time ago... there was a misunderstanding, somewhere...)

4) Pray. Pray pray pray pray. Pray. PRRRRRAAAY. P.R.A.Y.

5) Last but not least, if things get really crazy and you start to chat it up with one of the cockroaches crawling around on the desk, phone someone from the outside world. Eat up their talk of new hairstyle possibilities, grad dresses, music videos, and scriptural references to tongues as the initial evidence of the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

Post-script: I know it sounds like I am struggling and can't wait to get out of here, but really, I must assure you, I love my job. These are my people, my family, my friends. Sometimes (SOMETIMES) I can't believe I get paid for this.

Sunday, April 20

Top 5 Building Projects set to Start on May 1st

1. The Garden - this is such a tough thing, simple in idea, but there is just so much that goes into gardening. I want to create a "paradise garden," where there is a winding waterway, throughout the area with a huge amount of variety, and careful planning to mimic nature, in hopes of utilizing the sun and structures well. Kinda a big task. We have some plants started, and maybe it will just work out. Who the heck knows. Best Book I have read lately though (food not Lawns), gave me an upper hand.
2. The Outdoor Shower - Originally I just wanted to buy one of those camping bags that you can hang in the sun. Now in hopes of using water better we are going to set up a rain catchment system with the gutters (I think) and a barrel and maybe old garden hose(?). We are gonna build a platform, so you are standing on mud. etc. Every time there is a new thought though it adds to the project. Currently I am working on privacy issues. I think we are going to go with a living enclosure of bamboo (it will grow fast, wont mold, and will kinda look pretty). Drainage is another issue, So I was thinking we could move this gray-water around the yard to water plants... definitely will be the plan, but I dont know how to divert water yet.
3. A kitchen Counter. Our kitchen will house our washer and dryer, so we are planning to build a counter over it with drawers or a curtain that will contain the w/d. I think this will be super simple. But yeah... it might be hard, cause of my cockiness.
4. Inset bed in guest room. its a small space that we think we could build into the walls around it, to create a big shelf, with drawers for a mattress to sit on. Again, sounds simple... but will it happen?
5. The Van Cabinetry... still ongoing, but ongoing nonetheless. I ordered parts for the first time on thursday. Gas Filler Elbow, and Drivers side mirror. WHo thinks I can install them?

anyway... anyone want to help?

Top 5 Adventures of Dan, Kyle and Joshua on a Saturday night.

1. It all began with the search of some good old man vs. man conflict. The ultimate in literary conflicts. In this case it was the UFC. We went everywhere, from the fort pub, to the Shark Club and glanced at Cabby's Country Cabaret (Kyle was the deciding vote to not enter the establishment.) We eventually watched the beginning of St. Pierre versus Serra outside of the Baseline Pub with a couple of guys to young to enter the pub. It was a little weird.

2. "Are you guys old enough to be here? Do you have any ID?" Asked as we entered the pub.
" Ha! You guys are too young to be in there." Yelled as we exit the pub.
"I have to go home and return the car to mom." Dan's brilliant rebuttal.

3. Mustachioed females can be very cute. I also may have dodged a bullet here. She was cute, was wearing a fake mustache, and was intriguing. She might have also been 17. We had stopped for coffee and really only saw her in passing, so it is hard to say for sure. I think she was at least 20, Kyle and Dan say otherwise. I'm right until proven wrong.

4. "You guys want to buy some steak?" Asked the man walking around with a mop and bucket, and presumably a bag full of steaks. Or he was selling stakes, to combat the nasty vampire infestation in Langley. Either way he was still carrying around a mop and bucket.

5. Maybe you should put some clothes on before you undress in front of the window. Dan was oblivious, but Kyle and I looked up at the same time. It was strictly back, but it was definite undressing. You should really double check that your blinds are closed before you start stripping in front of a window. It's just common sense.

Honorable Mention: The super on the ball waitress at BP's. Man was she a good server; the Homeless Jesus guy. He loves God, because without God he would be crazy, though he might have had a small case of the crazies; Dan running into random highschool people he hadn't seen in years; Guy looking like he was ready to rob a corner store; Using the DQ can, but not buying any product.

All in all, it was a fun night.

Saturday, April 19

Top 5 Threads from the Rich Tapestry of Stopfive Mythology

1. Bryan, the father of this site, is a ninja. He is trained in many martial arts and weapons tactics, but his specialty is swordsmanship. He is also the guardian of the fabled "original stopfive archive," which he has sworn on his life to protect.

2. Andrew, the professor emeritus of blogging, is on a journey of discovery. Presumably to the center of the earth. We don't know where he is, or whether he will return safely, but our thoughts and prayers are with him.

3. We did not find Jenn. Jenn found us. I think she may be from the future. Also, I suspect Kelsey is from the sea.

4. One of either Holly, Moey, or Slynn has found a legitimate way to a land of fantastical possibilities, but together they made a secret pact never to tell anyone.

5. Rob is indeed the Stopfive inventor, and even now is working on a perpetual motion machine that can change the way blogging is done. We can only hope he succeeds before time runs out.

Top 5 Moments in Dublin - by Rivers and Sara-Lynn

Interesting fact: The Guinness factory produces 3 million pints per day. Inject equal amounts of sarcasm for this post.
1. 15 minutes into our trip, U2 starts playing.

2. Thai restaurant waitress rolls her eyes and looks at her watch while taking our order. Then proceeds to tell us that we're not ordering enough food before we're even finished ordering.

3. You have to pay 6 Euros to enter the church.

4. Following Bryan's advice we order 3 whiskey hot toddies, only to discover that hot toddies are drinks for Irish fishermen after fighting gigantic squalls on the open sea. Seriously, hot water, plus whiskey, plus lemon = cough syrup!

5. =With a bullet= We had reservations at the Ballymun Plaza Hotel. This was our first day in Dublin after waking up at 3:30am to get there! We arrive at the Ballymun only to discover a picket line of disgruntled employees and a sign on the locked front door saying "The Ballymun is closed until further notice!" We ended up waiting in the lobby of the hotel for 3 and a half hours while beefy Irish security guards patrolled the empty hotel. In the end we were provided with fantastic accommodation at the Carlton Hotel. But seriously!!!! Come on!!!! How does a hotel manager wake up one morning and decide, "boy this is a great day to close the hotel" and then kick out all it's employees, guests and not honor any reservations coming in that day!!!!!

Seriously though, other than that, DUBLIN is fanfriggintastic! (Daniel's opinion)
Well, it's pretty sweet (in Sara-Lynn's opinion)

Friday, April 18

Top 5 Reasons this is a Freaky Weird Day

1. It's snowing here. In the Lower Mainland. On April 18th.
2. The admissions office is leaking like a homemade tent.
3. This post marks the 700th post on Stop Five Records (according to our dashboard anyways).
4. I had a dream this morning that my parents had a full grown cougar as a pet, and I was still living at home. The cougar kept trying to attack me, and it was a really vivid dream. I could feel it scratch me and try to crush me with its paws. I begged them to get rid of it. They were reluctant, but finally decided they would. Unfortunately I woke up before they could.
5. Our recruitment meeting is at 12:30 instead of 11:00.

Thursday, April 17

Top 5 things I miss...

1. Not having to pay bills
2. Eating whatever I want when ever I want and how much I want
3. Crying for no apparent reason, and people trying to do something to fix it
4. Having a whole school class dedicated to making macaroni posters
5. Good cartoons

Top 5 Facts

1. Fact: I am older.
2. Fact: I am wiser.
3. Fact: I am a freckled hurricane.
4. Fact: I can throw a football a quarter mile.
5. Fact: Do not mess with me.

Wednesday, April 16

Top 5 Eerily Appropriate Lyrics

1. “Black or white.” (Michael Jackson)
2. “I’m a bitch.” (Meredith Brooks)
3. “Fly away.” (John Denver)
4. “I'm so white n' nerdy.” (Weird Al)
5. “Nobody loves me.” (Anne Murray)

Bonus: "Too much of something is bad." (Spice Girls)

(With most profound and loving thanks to G-off for his creative input. If I could write a song for you, it would be called, "With Most Profound and Loving Thanks To You".)

Top 5 "Where did they Go?" Musicians

1. Gregg Alexander - lead singer of the New Radicals. Quite the voice and quite the character. Got tired of touring and quit. I think he still writes though.

2. Jay Bennet - Guitarist and keyboardist for Wilco. Left in a huff after Yankee Hotel Foxtrot was finished. I recall he promised to make Jeff Tweedy wish he'd never left, presumably by becoming better and more famous. Where is he?

3. Krist Novocelic - Kurt Cobain died, Dave Grohl rocked, what happened to Krist?

4. Des'ree - She always told me I gotta be stronger. I thought she'd be a stronger presence in the music world.

5. "Pras" Michel - The Fugee we never knew. Wyclef produces Akon. Lauryn Hill is a brilliant ghost. Who's Pras?

This list got more ridiculous than intended.

On another note, as the Stopfive Historian I'm attempting to clear up the latest argument to arise here. I'm wondering when exactly "goat cheese" was first mentioned, and by whom? Because as far as I can tell the blame rests solely on Slynn. But I could be misinformed. I'd appreciate some input so that I can put this issue to bed.

Monday, April 14

Top 5 Boring Things

1. A slightly overcast day
2. White rice
3. Crap on the side of the road
4.  A dump truck 
5. Grass growing by the sidewalk

If you aren't funny, you don't have my attention thestewart

Top 5 Ingredients To A Moment of Contentment

1. Blue skies, spotted with a few sprawling white clouds, and a temperature in the mid teens.
2. Driving down a windy, quiet road at an unhuried 60 km/h.
3. Windows down, wind blowing in my face.
4. A good cup of coffee to slowly sip away at.
5. Listening to Bon Iver’s “Lump Sum”.

This is a moment where everything I normally think is important is forgotten, where the things I worry about and obsess over and the decisions that need to be made leave me alone for a time, and I experience a sense of absolute happiness and contentment with being alive.

I have these moments every once and awhile. They rarely last for more than a few minutes at a time, and they can never be preplanned or manufactured. They just seem to happen when the details come together on their own. I'm glad they're rare, though. I appreciate them a lot more because of it.

Anyone have similar moments?

Top 5 Things I'm Looking Forward To

1) Going to China. 16 DAYS until departure.
2) Finishing my schoolwork for the year.
3) Getting back into the workforce upon my return from China. I love my job. I've missed my Eastsiders.
4) Being able to have the time to READ once more. I have a list that I can't wait to tackle. Hmmm. StopFive potential...
5) Summer fun in the sun.

Honourable mention (part of no. 5): Having that BBQ and meeting all you fine folks.

Sunday, April 13

Top Five Frustrating Things

5. Getting the plastic off a DVD only to get that stupid security protection plastic sticker off too!
4. Stupid people
3. Driving in Richmond/Vancouver (I guess this ties into 4.)
2. Money
1. Me (this may also tie into 4.)

Saturday, April 12

Top 5 Events of this Amazingly Sunny Day

1. Tara got a super hot haircut. It's called the rockstar mullet. It looks much better than it sounds. Trust me.
2. A walk to the Old Clayburn store to purchase candy, including the upstart newcomers (in my world), cola rola balls. These candies are making a strong bid to be on my top 5 candies list.
3. A crazy adventure walk back. We got lost, but found our way. I always find my way. It ended up being about a 2 hour walk altogether. But it was sunny and fantastic outside.
4. A trip to Walmart to purchase 3 white T-shirts for $12. That's how I know it's summer time.
5. Watching a movie in our wonderfully cool basement suite.

Top 5 Things I Would Consider Doing Right Now

1. Go to bed, because it's after midnight, and I am kind of tired.
2. Read, because got a great book that I Bryan got me intrigued to read (All families are Psychotic by Douglas Coupland)
3. Watch a movie. I just got Office Space for 6 bucks today, great deal.
4. Play video games, because it is the weekend.
5. Go out into the garage and punch the tool, who is blaring loud country music and singing along like a retarded redneck howling for his snaggle-toothed mate to come and ease his pain, right in the face. It's after midnight, my nedroom is connected to the garage. Shut the hell up. Seriously. There Will Be Blood.

Top 5 Thoughts On The Theme of Stopfive Records

5. Kelsey is the jewel in the crown of this website. Her ability to produce laugh-related head contusions and ruptured appendixes is unparalleled in my experience.
4. Donkers needs to ask the school for a sabbatical so that he can sit down and get on with writing the most important book of our generation.
3. I think my next road trip will be to Prince George. There I will meet all of Holly's friends, slap bathtub boy into next week, and walk away while Holly professes shock at my unexplainable behaviour.
2. If Josh isn't the next Douglas Coupland then I'm an illiterate, brain-damaged monkey's uncle. Seriously, Otto gots skills.
1. Reading all these posts and comments I can imagine all of you in a room, chatting away and eating cheese or something, laughing and listening to music. I think it's a vision of the future. Make it happen.

Friday, April 11

Top 5 Photos from Brighton (so far).

Thursday, April 10

Top 5 Things I haven't Done

A stress post.

1. Finish my itinerary for the summer. So many calls, so many schedule conflicts, so many cancellations.
2. Solicit stuff to give away for Historymaker. Haven't really started.
3. Win a hockey trophy as a staff member. That will have to wait for next year.
4. Plan out camp schedules for the summer. Who's going where? I don't know!
5. Write sermons for summer travels. Sermons are usually the last thing I think about in this state.

Ok, I feel a little better now. That's not so hard to do. Is it?

Wednesday, April 9

Top 5 Embarrassing Moments of My Life

1) As a secretary to a chaplain in South Africa, I was responsible for compiling a weekly updated list of leaders and Bible study attendees. Next to the name of a fellow friend and leader, I wrote "(HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)" and forgot to delete it as I saved the changes. The next day I made over twenty copies and handed it out to everyone at the leaders' meeting, during which said "architecturally-sound" boy was present.

2) Breaking a men's urinal while trying to fix it, and baptizing both myself and my supervisor in urinal water.

3) Surfacing topless in front of everyone in my youth group after being overturned in a tube on the lake. I didn't even notice right away. Frickity frick mcfricker.

4) Having to explain to the bewildered and perturbed firemen that the reason I'd ripped the fire extinguisher out of the wall to put out my burning kitchen was because I hadn't known how to unclasp it from the wall.

5) Tonight - pretending to be gangsta and mimicking the loading and firing of a shotgun using my hockey stick, and accidentally smacking myself in the face with my "fake" recoil.

Saturday, April 5

Top 5 reasons I can't get away from God, even when I try.

1.  His laws.  No matter how hard I try, I cannot see flaws.  If we follow them perfectly, we will never hurt each other or be hurt by each other
2. I fell in love with Jesus when I was 6.  I really did.  Its like I'm married to him.
3.  My mother and Donkers.  They pray alot, especially when they see danger brewing.
4. My friends who don't know him.  The more I see what life is like without God, the more I realize how simple our lives really are with him.
5. His men.  I've been  (understandably) reflecting on the men I know.  The best ones follow him.  I'm really thankful for you guys.

Friday, April 4

Top Five reasons "The Stewart" is a bad roommate: A Rebuttal

5. Urban legend. Geoff tells these kinds of crazy stories all the time. Without actually providing any legitimate evidence, of course. And if I were, say, trying to stab him with a bloody needle, I’d put it in his bed. (Sleep well, my little Geoff!)
4. You wouldn’t think it, but there’s quite a ripe market for crack insulin in Ladner.
3. Geoff doesn’t realize it, but when I know he and Naomi will be home, I cancel my plans so I can babysit them. If I didn’t, you can be sure they would be parents seven times over by now, and shamed by their peers into living in a trailer somewhere. I know this because Geoff is always trying to caress me when we’re alone; I can only imagine how far he would get with a girl who “likes” him. Also, I’m jealous.
2. I’m preparing him for marriage. I win the bread, he better be making something out of it, damnit.
1. Well, actually, this one is true.

Top Five reasons "The Stewart" is a good roommate

5. He says I snore, and when I do he sleeps on the couch and never complains...he actually says he likes sleeping on the couch...lord bless him and his little compassionate heart.
4. He has quite the extensive movie collection, and has allowed me to watch movies I always wanted to watch but have never had the opportunity.
3. He laughs at many of the things I say. I'm not funny to most people, but I seem to humor Kyle and that bolsters good self esteem on my part...
2. If I've ever wonder who someone is in a TV show, Movie, Commercial or anything video related, within minutes Kyle has looked it up on IMDB to give me the answer. (In all honesty I most likely would forget that I wanted to know, but he takes the effort to check it out to cure my curiosity)
1. He misses me when I'm gone...

Thursday, April 3

Top Five reasons "The Stewart" is a bad roommate

5. I found an insulin needle in my backpack (I think it it was a joke, "Ha ha you stabbed yourself with my bloody insulin needle!" joke...I don't get it)
4. He hasn't worked for awhile, yet he's had rent money...I don't really ask questions, but I am concerned about strange stains around the home...
3. He's always around when I want to make out with Naomi...good lord take a hint..."Hey Kyle, got any plans tonight?" "No!" "Oh well Naomi is coming over we're gonna make out" "Well, I'll just hang out at home with you guys then..."
2. He bitches and complains when I don't make him food...
He constantly talks to me as if I care....

Top 5 Font Colours & Styles

1. Pinkish Red (in Bold)
2. Green (in Italics)
3. Blue (Plain)
4. Redish Orange (in Bold Italics)
5. Unreadable Yellow (in Small)

Stick it to the Moey! Vive la Révolution!

Wednesday, April 2

Top Five Fears


Dan Donkers' Top 5 quintessential movies

1. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002) - Not only does Dan think the acting in this movie is incredible; He has great respect for it because he claims to have walked by the Vancouver Library the very DAY before Ecks and Sever blew up the entire side of the building! He's ALWAYS telling me, "Dude, if I went to the library one day later; I'd be a gonner!"

2. 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998) - Dan once told me that this movie is not actually a movie. In fact, it's a documentary about the Donkers' brothers. He says that all the events are completely true, and that he and his brothers starred in the movies under different names to hide their true ninja identities. I've always wondered about Dan's cat-like agility.

3. Torah!, Torah!, Torah! (?) - I keep telling Dan that this movie does not exist! I think he's confused with the American-Japanese film "Tora!, Tora!, Tora!" about the attack on Pearl Harbor. He keeps telling me "it's a movie about the Japanese air strike on the 'House of Torah' (The actual location of the original copy of the Torah) in Hoboken, New Jersey!"

4. Gigli (2003) - Bennifer will always live on in Dan's heart.

5. Norbit (2007) - I believe Donkers' catch phrase for this movie is: "The only thing better than one Eddie Murphy in a movie is THREE Eddie Murphys in a movie!"

Tuesday, April 1

Top 5 Solid Facts I Have Discovered In My Young Life

1) The quickest way to a man's heart is through his rib cage.
2) The Little Mermaid Is The Best Movie Ever. (Beauty and the Beast comes second. Then Little Miss Sunshine.)
3) Childhoods are endangered.
4) A head massage is the cure to almost all of life's stressful moments.
5) I have never been so loved by anyone as I am by Jesus. I don't get it.

top 5 Things I need

1. A ridiculously cheap car. Preferably one that run on sunshine and candy drop wishes, because I hear that is only .5 cents a barrel. But seriously. Really cheap car.
2. A new back, mine is past its best before date.
3. No more slow, stupid people that drop boxes on me to work with me.
4. New glasses. More accurately a new prescription. Mine is past its best before date.
5. A hug. In a manly, I don't really need a hug begrudging sort of way.

Top 5 Things a Cat Might Say

1. "Meowzas!"
2. "Go litter your own box!"
3. "That dude needs to lay off the 'nip."
4. "She's more annoying than a hairball in your throat."
5. "It is time to rise up and crush the humans and their canine friends."

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