Tuesday, December 26

Top 5 Recent Injuries

1. You know, that place. My drunken boss elbowed my while playing a trivia game.
2. My shoulder - uphill piggybacks hurt.
3. My ankle - who knows? Maybe I'm just getting old.
4. My hands - paper cuts galore. An average week is one, this week was twelve.
5. My shoulder, reprise - tweaked at a Christmas party during the epic feat of turning around.

Honourable mention: Picture this, a six year-old punching you at six year-old height, and you're carrying another kid on your shoulder. I didn't drop the kid, much.

"We'd pull one truck out and get another stuck in
And motors would roar and tires would spin,
We'd sink right down, down to the diff,
And we'd all take turns and do it again.
Till no one could move, we'd call one more friend,
Come on out here, we need you.
Bring your truck."

"The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
Got the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut
Which eventually pulled out the Ford."

Top 5 Consoles In My House Right Now

1. Xbox - mostly because it's mine. Well, it's a loaner, but good enough for me.
2. Xbox 360 - mostly because of one game: Gears of War, the Halo killer.
3. Nintendo Wii - mostly because Nintendo thumb days are over. Now it's Nintendo elbow.
4. Super Nintendo - mostly because it's classic.
5. Nintendo - mostly because it's classicker (more classic?).
6. Gameboy - mostly because I can't get the Tetris theme song out of my head.
7. Intellivision - mostly because it's older than I am.

Well, 7 is the new 5. Right? Back me up Donkers.

"Riding on their armchairs
They dream of wealth and fame
Fear is their companion
Nintendo is their game
Never done jack and two thumbs Don
And sidekick don't say dick
We'll laugh at others failures
Though they have not done shit"

"'Has been' was.
'Has been' might again"

Top 5 Girls I've Met Lately

1. Shannon - The Foggy Dew: a strange night with strange events; my shoulder still hurts and I might need a doctor. But I'm not complaining.
2. Sharon - The Sahlstom's: recently accepted to Trent, her mother kept making her sit next to me and chat at this Christmas party. But I'm not complaining.
3. Nicole - The Cat and Fiddle: she kept stopping by my table to bum smokes and tell bad ghost stories. But I'm not complaining.
4. Joanne - Brendan's surprise party: the Baptist Allie; and by Baptist, I mean bizarro. Creepy wierd conversation. But I'm not complaining.
5. Red-headed waitress - Denny's: cute and friendly (and a redhead), alas she had no nametag. But I'm not complaining.

Honourable mention:
53 year-old lady - The Cat and Fiddle: met her when, drunk out of her skull, she came to hit on me and my friends. Later, she stumbled past my table, grabbed my ass with two hands, and just about yanked me from my stool. But I'm not complaining. Well, maybe...

"Oh, 4,5,6! C'mon and get your kicks
Now you don't need that money
When you look like that, do ya honey."

"Big black boots,long brown hair,
She's so sweet with her jet back stare."

Monday, December 25

Top 5 Comedies

1. Patton - "Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."
2. The Divine Comedy - "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate"
3. Willow - "I don't love her, she kicked me in the face!"
4. 12 Angry Men - "Bright? He's a common ignorant slob. He don't even speak good English."
5. 2001: A Space Odyssey - "Open the pod bay doors, HAL."

"Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do.
I'm half crazy all for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two."

Top 5 Ways To Wish You A...

1. English: Merry Christmas!
2. Klingon: QISmaS Quch Daghajjaj!
3. Elvish: Q Ná merye i turuhalmeri!
4. Pig Latin: Errymay ristmaskay!
5. Tahitian: Ia ora'na no te noere!

Saturday, December 16

Top 5 Best things about my work party last night (yet another blog to brag about my amazing job)

1. It was a 'Winter Formal' dress up event (and I LOVE dressing up!)
2. It was held in the same place we had our wedding reception a year ago (ah, the memories)
3. There was a full extravagant catered dinner/dessert complete with wine...mmm
4. There was a kick-ass dance party that went on till midnight.
5. The thank you gift given to every single employee who works at C.P. was a Nintendo DS lite system with two games to go along.

How much better than that does it get?
Oh, and I got a promotion at work this week too. Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 15

Top 5 Thoughts from Last Night

1. What was that noise?
2. Why did I just slam in to the side of my car?
3. Why won't my door open?
4. Why is that girl still talking on her cellphone?
5. Cars are the most insidious invention in history.

Thursday, December 14

Top 5 Internet Videos Discovered This Week

1. Gospel Aerobics - Get Fit & Praise the Lord

2. The Best Response Ever (aka The Best Mustache Man Ever)

3. Metalosis Maligna - A Creepy Documentary

4. Skeletons Doing the YMCA … in Chinese

5. Canadians Beating Russians. Literally.

Top 5 User Comments Regarding "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo" on IMDB

A Preamble: I saw "Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo" While at this hot little funk club in Toronto. It was playing on the wall silently. So my soundtrack was this wicked funk band, and a couple of ladies trying to chat up mr. Dubien. Even without dialogue we could fairly easily figure out what was going on. And yet, strangely, it was still entertaining. I looked it up on IMDB, and here's what folks are saying.

1. "Anyway, a real great movie. I wish Citizen Kane had been this good.
I'm not joking."

2. "It's fortunate that the trio live in an alternate universe in which breakdancing can solve all of society's ills. No exaggeration here; over the course of ninety-four boogie filled minutes, dancing stops bulldozers, pays bills, ends gang wars, and even cures the ill and the infirm (One person bounds out of the wheelchair in jubilation; apparently they simply forgot they could walk). There is so much dancing in this movie that it frequently appears that the plot is intruding on it, and not the other way around. These are people who work a hard day's living dancing then go home and blow off some steam by, what else, dancing."

3. "First off, I am a huge fan of booga-loo shrimp and also of adolfo shabba-do. I especially loved the first one when he danced with that rag on a string. I saw the first breakin in the theatre when it first came out and I almost had a hernia it was so good."

4. "But then you remember, you also own Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo and you get back on your sofa and spend another couple of hours with a friendly group of Break Dancers who only want to support their local amenities... They don't use violence (apart from perhaps some suggestive popping' and lockin' moves), they don't use guns or drugs and they even get their rival street gang to kiss and make up with them in order to protect their hood from the City Suits."

5. "This isn't a poorly made movie in the traditional sense; it isn't full of continuity holes or bad special effects. For all its silliness, it probably succeeds in exactly the way it wanted to; as a movie about people who love breakdancing so much they'd rather do that than say, eat, sleep, converse, or share meaningful human contact. More than fifteen years later, it's terribly quaint, and hilariously dated. But it has a city-wide dance party, a hospital-wide dance party, a dance-filled climax (a shock, I know) and two performances by Ice-T. What more do you want? Do yourself a favor and rent this movie. By the end, you'll be dancing too. "

Rob, we're renting this movie.

Tuesday, December 12

Top 5 School of Rock Quotes

1. Dewey: God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray. Amen.

2. Dewey: And it may sound easy, but nothing could be harder. It will test you head and your mind and your brain too.

3. Dewey: It’s a…a rare blood disease. Stick-it-to-da-man-noisis.
Battle of the Bands director: What's that? I've never heard of it.
Dewey: You're lucky. Cause it's hell.

4. Dewey: [on sticking it to "The Man"] You can't just say it, man. You've gotta feel it in your blood and guts! If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules. You gotta get mad at the man! And right now, I'm the man. That's right, I'm the man, and who's got the guts to tell me off? Huh? Who's gonna tell me off?
Freddy: Shut the hell up, Schneebly!
Dewey: That's it Freddy! That's it! Who can top him?
Alicia: Get outta here, stupidass.
Dewey: Yes, Alicia!
Summer: You're a joke! You're the worst teacher I've ever had!
Dewey: Summer, that is great! I like the delivery because I felt your anger!
Summer: Thank you.
Lawrence: You're a fat loser and you have body odor.
Dewey: ...All right, all right! Now, is everybody nice and pissed off?
Billy: You're tacky and I hate you!
Dewey: Okay, you see me after class!

5. Miss Mullins: I'm sorry to interrupt, but Miss Lemmons said she heard music coming from the classroom.
Dewey: Music? Uh, music. I haven't heard any music. Uh-oh, you know what? Miss Lemmons must be on crack, right kids?

Top 5 strange things to buy on Ebay

5. Pregnancy naval jewelry

4. Vampire Killing Kit

3. Lucky Candy Cane

2. Mummified Head

1. Velvet Canvas Painting of Satan on a Toilet

PS here is my contribution to the facial hair top 5

Monday, December 11

Top 5 people that fit what Moey would be looking for in a love. (I hope that made sense.)

1. Louis Gossett Jr.
2. Gilbert Gottfried
3. John Heder - This is only cause Moey loves Napolean Dynamite SOOOOOO MUCH!
4. David Hasselhoff
5. =with a bullet= Tony Danza - Melissa Danza would sound so amazing

Oh Moey... I miss hanging out with you.

Top 5 Picks in my Fantasy Fascists League

"Heck, I had Mussolini in my Fantasy Fascists League, and even he couldn't make the trains run on time like Tomlinson." - Christopher Harris

These would be my top 5 on draft day:

1. Hitler - obviously the #1 pick.
2. Mussolini - great lineup protection when Hitler has an off day.
3. Stalin - There would be some question as to his eligibility in this league, but I think I'd take the risk.
4. Caesar Augustus - His old school style would complement some of the rookies.
5. Generalissimo Franco - Nobody can beat this wily veteran 1 on 1.

Thursday, December 7

Top5 Quotes from "Me and You and Everyone We Know"

5. "Yes. Yes I have, Peter."
4. "We have a whole life to live together, you f*&%er...but it can't start until you call."
3. "Yeah, see, this is why you don't want a village raising your kid...because there's sketchy parts of the village, and some of the villagers are junkies and child molesters."
2. "Why do we exit quickly? Because when grenade shrapnel enters your body it doesn't go in smooth like a bullet -- it rips through your flesh and it bounces around inside...IT BOUNCES! And that's why we exit in an orderly fashion."
1. "I don't wanna have to do this, this living. I just walk around. I wanna be swept off my feet, ya' know? I want my children to have magical powers; I am prepared for amazing things to happen. I can handle it."

Top 5 Last Movies I Watched

5. Adaptation. What a lovely movie. I own it. First time I've watched it since the theatre.
What colossal gall on the part of Charlie Kaufmann though, writing a movie about himself.
And not just about himself, but about TWO of himselfs. Man. Some nice lines, but the gall. Oh, the gall.

4. Me, You, And Everyone We Know. I think this is Collette's DVD. It's funny, hilarious actually. Combines the blunt oddity of Little Miss Sunshine with the searing reality behind The Squid And The Whale. A touch of goofy artistic flare from Miranda July makes this movie really worth quoting (see upcoming post). Warning: this movie can be unflinching in looking at its subjects' indecency sometimes. Definitely R-rated for naughty dialogue.

3. Duma. The heartwarming story of a boy and his father and his cheetah cub and his father dying and his mom moving them to the city and the cheetah following and the boy running away with the cheetah to take it back to the wild and the boy and his cheetah overcoming many challenges and surviving dangers and eventually both of them getting home where they belong. Like I said, heartwarming. Seriously though, a great movie. I love cheetahs.

2. The Proposition. A screenplay and soundtrack by Nick Cave tells the epic and poetic story of a gang of outlaw brothers turned against each other by the strong-willed machinations of a British immigrant sherriff trying to make the Outback safe for his wife and their friends. Beautiful and surprising, this film is the first from Australia to actually deal with the reality of 19th century race relations in the Outback. A warning though, that the reason this movie can explore the morality of corporal punishment and frontier justice in such an effective and poignant way is that brutal, gory violence is seen throughout the film. If you can stomach film gore, see this film, because it is amazing. And while it is violent and emotionally brutal at times, it has no sex, because that's how Nick Cave likes his movies.

1. The Cutter. Chuck Norris combs the streets of Spokane, engaging in deadly combat with a handsome German super-assassin and master of disguise, in an attempt to rescue both the devastatingly beautiful jewel cutter girl and the jewel-encrusted priestly Ephod found during a remote archeological dig in southern Israel and entrusted to her by her master jewel cutter uncle before his kidnapping at the hands of the diabolical super-nazi war criminal Speerman. This one sells itself.

Top 5 Things I Want In A Love

Someone who...
1. does not play dirty when engaged in competition.
2. has a big intellectual capacity but knows that it alone does not equate wisdom.
3. derives joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom.
4. has many formed opinions and is politically aware.
5. is funny.

Not necessarily needs but qualities I prefer.

Top 5 Superpowers I would want if I was a Racoon (A tribute to the Racoon that ate our Garbage)

1. Flight. For obvious reasons. Everybody wants to fly. And rule the world, but that's a different story.
2. Absolute silence. If somehow everything I did made no noise. That would make my life so much easier, as far as rummaging goes anyways.
3. Laser Eyes. That I could shoot the lasers out of my eyes.
4. Unbreakable Metal Teeth. So much more intimidating. Especially if they looked all silver and metallic. And then I could pretty much eat anything in anyones garbage can. Actually, I could just start eating the garbage cans themselves.
5. Invisibility. Although I would be nocturnal and hard to see anyways, invisibility would be the icing on the cake. Has anyone here ever tried to write the word "invisibility"? It is difficult and it feels weird.

Monday, December 4

Top 5 Favorite Comedies

5. Ace Ventura "And I was like eh geh eh geh...and he is up on his dorsal fin..."
4. Little Miss Sunshine (Again...not kyle's criteria...but this may hit # 1 once it comes out on DVD) ie "You can't be a pilot if you are color blind..." "F***"
3. Office Space "You don't have to be rich to do nothin..."
2. Monty Python and the Holy Grail "And thou shalt take thine holy hand grenade...and they shall snuff it."
1. Dumb and Dumber "Big Gulps eh...well see ya later"

Top 5 Favorite Comedies

1. High Fidelity - This movie is awesome.
2. Groundhog Day - I am not sure when i started liking this movie. But it seems like I have watched it a million times, or maybe that is just the mairage of the movie itself. Either way, If I made movies I would try my darndest to get Bill Murray to be in them.
3. Anchorman - The Legend of Ron Burgendy
4. Home Alone
5. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

This list was tough for me to make. But I think this is the honest list.
Adaptation, Sean of the Dead, Ace Ventura, Where the buffalo Roam all where almost there.

Top 5 Favourite Comedies - Dan Donkers style

1. Zoolander. The scene with his 3 model friends in the house is one of my all time favourite comedy moments.
2. Spinal Tap.
3. Dumb and Dumber.
4. Monty Python's Holy Grail.
5. Happy Gilmore

Honourable Mention: You, Me and Dupree. Probably one of the funniest chase scenes I've seen in quite a while.

Sunday, December 3

Top 5 Favourite Comedies

1. Dumb and Dumber
2. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
3. Little Miss Sunshine
4. Wayne's World
5. Tommy Boy

Honorable Mention: Team America World Police (One of only two movies I've cried in from laughing so hard, the other is Little Miss Sunshine)

Top 5 Bits of NewsRadio Dialogue

To commemorate my recent love-affair with the great TV show Newsradio, here's five bits of dialogue. Unfortunately there are about one million more that I couldn't include. I'm sorry.

LISA: Bill, you'’ve been dumped before, right?
Oh c'’mon, of course you have. Everybody'’s been dumped.
Let'’s see...dumpity dumpity dumpity--—nope.
Ok, fine...
Wait a minute, I was dumped once, a long time ago...very painful.
See, isn'’t it...
No wait a minute...that was just a movie I saw.

BILL: I remember one time in college we got this pledge drunk, locked him in the trunk of the car, and abandoned the car in a junk yard.
DAVE: And then?
BILL: What?
DAVE: How'd he get out of the car?
BILL: You know what I have to make a phone call...

JIMMY: I wanted a house just like Xanadu, but without a dorky name.
LISA: So what did you call it?
JIMMY: Fort Awesome.

BILL: I'm...well, I'm hurt...deep down...where I'm soft...like a woman.
DAVE: I understand. And I'm sorry that I hurt you...Deep down inside...
BILL: Where?
DAVE: [Clenching teeth] Where you're soft...like a woman.
BILL: Don't mock me Dave. Don't be a hurter.

BILL: I remember one time, my father came home from a night on the town--—which of course had turned into a week--and my Mother said, "John, is there anything you won'’t drink?" And my father shot back, "Poison! I'm saving it for you!" [Laughing] And I and my brother--who is now an alcoholic himself--just about died laughing...good times. Gooood times.

Top 5 Favourite Comedies - According To Melissa

1. The Royal Tenenbaums and Rushmore- seriously funny
2. Adaptation - gonna agree with Dan on this one
3. Some Like It Hot - classically funny
4. Office Space - constantly laugh out loud funny...especially the beating of the printer/copier.
5. Christmas Vacation - nothing makes me laugh harder. nothing.

honourable mentions: anything else by Wes Anderson,
also everything the Christopher Guest/Eugene Levy/Catherine O'Hara/Parker Posey/Fred Willard/Michael McKean combination comes up with - too hard to choose just one of them

Top 5 Comedies - Holly's

1. Bottle Rocket
2. Office Space
3. Get Over it - Amazingly clever cheesy teen movie
4. Things To Do - its Canadian, charming and surprisingly nobody dies. Oh, acutally somebody does, but in the beginning not the end - this separates it from other Canadian movies
5. Oceans 11 - this movie IS witty.

Top5 Books I've Read Recently (Then Top5 I'm Going to Read Next)

5. From Russia With Love, Ian Fleming
4. Pickup On Noon Street, Raymond Chandler
3. John Adams, David McCullough
2. World War Z, Max Brooks
1. The Worthing Saga, Orson Scott Card

1. Farewell My Lovely, Raymond Chandler
2. Thunderball, Ian Fleming
3. Clarissa Oakes, Patrick O'Brian
4. The Three Musketeers, Alexander Dumas
5. The Deerslayer, James Fenimore Cooper

Man I really like the fiction. You all know what to do.

Top5 Songs I've Listened to Tonight

5. Agony in Her Body - Sage Francis
4. Since I've Been Loving You - Led Zeppelin
3. Monday - Wilco
2. Black Eyed Dog - Nick Drake
1. Teresa - J. Geils Band

Top5 Favourite Comedies

My only criteria is that they are "my top five favourite comedies".

5. Kind Hearts and Coronets
4. Some Like It Hot
3. This Is Spinal Tap
2. Mr Hulot's Holiday
1. The Producers

Each movie is a different kind of comedy. They are all amazing.
Watch them. Read about them. Watch them again.

Top Five Favorite Comedies - Kweller's Cut

5. Tommy Boy
4. Dumb and Dumber
3. Oceans 11 and 12... witty.
2. Van wilder
1. Ancorman

Saturday, December 2

Top 5 Favorite Comedies

1. i heart huckabees
2. Adaptation (not strictly a comedy, but i watch this movie over and over, and quote it often)
3. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
4. School of Rock
5. I wanna say - Little Miss Sunshine, but it doesn't fit Kyle's criteria, so I'm gonna go with..... HIGH FIDELITY (Again, not strictly a comedy, but it's just freaking great.)

Jenn's top 5 favorite comedies...

1) Dumb and Dumber (This is classic. This is the comedy to end all comedies)
2) When Harry Met Sally
3) Waiting for Guffman (Christopher Guest is my hero)
4) Office Space
5) Zoolander ("Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty...")

Top 5 Favourite Comedies

1. Three Amigos
2. The Wrong Guy
3. Dumb and Dumber
4. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
5. Three Way Tie: Canadian Bacon, Houseguest, Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

(This is a hard list to make, but I base it on a) how many times I've watched (in other words, re-watch-ability), b) how consistently it makes me laugh and c) quotability.)

P.S. Yes, you have to post yours too.

Friday, December 1

Top 5 Things About December 1 in Burns Lake

1. Fireworks. Our Halloween fireworks, actually, as you will recall Halloween was cancelled. So the fireworks were rescheduled for tonight to coincide with
2. Mistletoe Mania. Known in previous years as Midnight Madness, it was forced to change it's name due to the fact that now stores stay open until 9pm instead of midnight. That's right, it's a banner night when stores are open after 6pm.
3. The Christmas Tree Light-Up. At Pioneer Park. Not actually that impressive, but they give out free coffe and hot chocolate, so that's nice.
4. The kick off of the Burns Lake Christmas Passport. Between Dec1 and Dec15 people go around to all the businesses in Burns Lake and get their passport stamped, once filled, they can enter to win $500 worth of gift certificates to spend in town. We're really trying to support local shopping.
5. A new store opened. It's only Christmas stuff. Apparently she (Brandy, the proprietor and a girl I went to elementary and high school with) is going to get all new stock for every season. Ambitious. Perhaps more than Burns Lake can handle? We'll just have to see.

As you can see, it is non stop December excitement in this little town.

Top 5 Snow Moments from this Week

1. Walking with the lady. Always a great thing to do in snow.
2. Driving home from Maple Ridge with all these people in front of me freaking out and going 20 k/h, and then wondering why they can't make it up hills.
3. sliding around the corners in my neighbourhood in my car.
4. Throwing a snowball in a student's face.
5. =with a bullet= Missing work on Monday

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