Friday, April 4

Top Five reasons "The Stewart" is a bad roommate: A Rebuttal

5. Urban legend. Geoff tells these kinds of crazy stories all the time. Without actually providing any legitimate evidence, of course. And if I were, say, trying to stab him with a bloody needle, I’d put it in his bed. (Sleep well, my little Geoff!)
4. You wouldn’t think it, but there’s quite a ripe market for crack insulin in Ladner.
3. Geoff doesn’t realize it, but when I know he and Naomi will be home, I cancel my plans so I can babysit them. If I didn’t, you can be sure they would be parents seven times over by now, and shamed by their peers into living in a trailer somewhere. I know this because Geoff is always trying to caress me when we’re alone; I can only imagine how far he would get with a girl who “likes” him. Also, I’m jealous.
2. I’m preparing him for marriage. I win the bread, he better be making something out of it, damnit.
1. Well, actually, this one is true.

oh man, i think i need to hang out with you guys soon...
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