Saturday, September 30

Top 5 GWN Supertour Moments

1. Driving Kutless' drummer around downtown Edmonton and getting ridiculously lost.
2. Signing a kid's face (see previous post)
3. Signing up three pages worth of people for this band's email list (I got kind of bored because nobody was checking out the Summit booth)
4. Driving around Edmonton at about 10:30 at night, and realizing that every fast food place was closed. Seriously, everything. We had to go to 7-11. That really cemented my distaste for Edmonton (Sorry Otto).
5. Meeting Juno award winner Amanda Falk, and trying to get her to mention my name on stage.

Top 5 Things I want to do with my life - at this point in time

1. Have a baby.
2. Go travelling around the world with my husband.
3. Become a wholistic life counsellor.
4. Only eat organic and truly healthy food.
5. Spread the message of Jesus Christ.

Wednesday, September 27

Top 5 Reasons why Dan's "Signing" is illegitimate in the realm of "Real Celebrity Signings"

1. A girl's face! - This is illegitimate because relatives don't count when it comes to celebrity signings. Dan... we ALL know it was your mother's face you signed at the Kutlass show in Abbotsford.

2. An arm - Dan, when i saw you in Kelowna, you had "Dan Donkers" signed on your OWN ARM. It just doesn't work that way.

3. A shoe - Signing a shoe found at Willow Park Church's lost and found doesn't count as a legitimate celebrity signing.

4. A cap, which I signed "I'm busting a cap" - Please don't tell me you're back to call your self "busting a cap"? Dan, it's time someone told you, "busting a cap" just isn't a good Gangsta Rap name. I know you want to be like your hero Busta Rhymes, but "busting a cap" will just get you... well... um... Capped! This was a valiant effort in wanting to become a celebrity who signs stuff with a pseudonymn but I'm still gonna have to render it illegitimate.
P.S. When you sign stuff you can just sign your name. You don't have to introduce yourself by using, "I'm" or "Hello My Name is..." or "Greetings and Salutations, my friends call me..." Just your name or pseudonym will do.

5. A pink shirt, which I signed with "Pink is the new DAN DONKERS" - Again, a very valiant effort Dan. I almost gave this one to you. But then I realized, you simply cannot arbitrarily steal a celebrity's identity and trade it with your own identity. Were you implying that "Pink is the new Dan Donkers" and therefore, "Dan Donkers is the new Pink"? I'm pretty sure Pink is not parading around calling herself "Dan Donkers." But, if and when she does, I will gladly start calling you "Pink" and recant my stance on all of these points.

Tuesday, September 26

Top 5 Things I've Signed so far on this Tour

1. A girl's face!
2. An arm
3. A shoe
4. A cap, which I signed "I'm busting a cap"
5. A pink shirt, which I signed with "Pink is the new DAN DONKERS"

Monday, September 25

Top 5 Movies I Bought Today

1. Syriana
2. Good Night and Good Luck
3. Jarhead
4. Brokeback Mountain
5. V for Vendetta

The local video store had them on for really good prices. $10 or less each. fantastic. First movies I've bought in over 9 months.

Sunday, September 24

Top 5 Top 5 lists of the last 5

1. Top 5 Stores I Visited Today
2. Top 5 Amazing Facts
3. Top 5 Catching up moments of the last week
4. Top 5 Regrets from Last night
5. Top 5 Things I did or did not do in the last 6 months

"I want to lie,
Shipwrecked and comotoase,
Drinking fresh,
Mango juice,
Goldfish shoals,
Nibbling at my toes"

Top 5 Stores I Visited Today

1. Drexoll Games - a board game store with tables set up to play board games, and at least 15 different versions of Settlers.
2. Hourglass Comics - Man it was good to see Simon and the old crew again
3. XS Cargo - that place sucks, unless you want to buy useless crap.
4. Wireless Wave - damn bastards owed me money, and I got it from them, kind of, well, I got instore credit. Shut up!
5. De Dutch Panakoek house - a so so establishment, but hey, as a wise German man once said, "If you're Dutch, you ain't much."

"Now look at them yo-yo's that's the way you do it
You play the guitar on the MTV
That ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Money for nothin' and your chicks for free
Now that ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain't dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb"

"Money for nothin' and your chicks for free
I want my, I want my, I want my MTV"

Saturday, September 23

Top 5 Amazing Facts

1. The amount of time it took someone to comment on one my posts: 139 seconds.
2. It is illegal to have a gorilla in the back seat of any car in Boston.
3. Sugar is water soluble.
4. Killing zombies just got a whole lot more fun.
5. My Blockbuster actually carries Janette Oke movies.

Honourable mention: I successfully recommended and rented out a Janette Oke movie.

"I am immortal. I have inside me blood of kings.
I have no rival, no man can be my equal.
Take me to the future of your world."

Top 5 Catching up moments of the last week

1. Going on a dinner date with Allie, but not Allie's sister.
2. Playing Madden on Josh's Compy 386.
3. Seeing friends I hadn't seen in a while: Moey, Dan, Slynn, bear holding a shark.
4. Reading months of backlogged Stop Five. Some f(BALETED!) great posts guys.
5. Watching classic Strong Bad emails until 4 in the morning.

"If my mental state,
Kept you from coming around,
I hope the world will shoot me down,
For losing you."

"Oh, you are my family tree.
Be good to me."

Top 5 Regrets from Last night

1. Hitting on an engaged girl, who has two kids - what was I thinking?
2. Getting into a debate about the economics of gay marriage in the 1940's. At 3am - You know me, can't resist.
3. Buying so much Coke - but it was only 50cents for 1L bottles, so I bought 4, and it was real Coca-Cola too)
4. Playing penny poker on a penny coloured carpet - lost a lot of blinds that way.
5. Staying up until 4am, knowing that I had to get up at 7am, and was going to have a hangover - stupid morning coffee plans.

"I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea."

"I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day"

Top 5 Things I did or did not do in the last 6 months

1. Did not free Tibet; neither did Bryan. Tibet has been free since February. That's why they gave me the blue seeing stone. Duh.
2. Completed 2 of 5 outstanding quests, with a third pending fiscal approval.
3. Did not have tea with the Queen. At EA.
4. Moved in with a married man.
5. Dated many of my friends' girlfriends.

"Ha-ha! We come in peace, shoot to kill
Shoot to kill, shoot to kill
We come in peace, shoot to kill
shoot to kill, men"

"Star Trekking, across the universe
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk"

Friday, September 22

Top 5 combinations of the words Ass and Vomit

1. Assomit
2. Vomass
3. Vomitass
4. Assmit
5. Vomassmit

I feel sick, and am dizzy. Blame Ryan for this list.

Monday, September 18

Top 5 Perks of my new job

1. I work in a newly renovated, hardwood floor, tons of windows, high class building that is just a block away from my house.
2. Since we're a "gaming" company of sorts, they decided that we need to have huge flat screen tv's all around - and one strictly for video games in our staff lounge.
3. Our staff lounge comes fully stocked with all sorts of snacks - bagels, pop, chips, yogurt, granola bars - coffee always on the go, and an espresso maker, complete with an assortment of Starbucks syrups.
4. We use Macs, have the highest speed internet available, and get to sit in super comfy leather chairs at big tables so can interact with one another (or listen to music...perhaps on an ipod which, apparently, the comapny just gave out to everyone as a random perk...too bad that was before my time).
5. *With a bullet* - My shift is 7 hours long, and I get paid for 7 hours, but with all the breaks and stuff, I really only work for 6 hours...and the last 15-30 minutes is spent online just playing Club Penguin.

(Honorable mention: Before lunch break today, we all got to take a break and go onto Club Penguin and host a party for all the kids, which consisted of us dressing up our penguins in cowboy gear and hanging out in the mine, dancing and chatting. And this is my job!!!!)

Friday, September 15

Top 5 Internet Sights of the Week

1. The End of the World Begins/Began – September 12, 2006

2. Man Forced to Marry His Lover – A Goat

3. 29-Year-Old Sarah Needs Help Finding…a ’Partner’

4. Hardcore Sitting

5. iCarta – The Next Step In Apple’s World Dominion

Wednesday, September 13

Top 5 Breakfast Foods

1. Bacon. There is no argument that this is the best breakfast food ever. Period. Seriously, don't try to argue this one. You can't.
2. Eggs. Bacon's heterosexual life partner. You can't have eggs without bacon. But you should have bacon without eggs sometimes, just as a matter of respect.
3. Toast. Whoever invented toast must be rolling in million dollar bills. Or dead. More likely the inventor of toast is dead. But his (or her?) invention lives on in our hearts and on our plates.
4. Cheese. Yes, that's right, cheese. The Scandinavian people seem to understand this concept. The North Americans are a little slower. But since cheese has such a great upside and almost no downside, I'm putting it in the top 5.
5. Bagels. Quick, easy, and so many spreading options. This is my go to breakfast food in lieu of any of the above.

Notable exception: Pancakes.

Monday, September 11

Top 5 Moments in the Life of Romantic Fiction Arthur

1. When he picked up his first Danielle Steele novel, and realized his life's calling.
2. His argument with Oprah concerning Fabio.
3. When he switched from glasses to contacts.
4. That Valentines day where he had a date. They went fishing. The seas were heaving that day, much like his date's bountiful bosom. He turned it into a book.
5. When he switched back from contacts to glasses, but strictly for style purposes.

Sunday, September 10

Top Five Sounds My Roomate Makes In His Sleep

5. the sound of rinsing out his mouth with spit.
4. the scratching of his bare chest sound.
3. the pre-snor congested breathing.
2. the snorring.

Saturday, September 9

Top Five Way I Met New People This Week.

5. Running down the hill puking into a bush.
4. "UGH" *GLARE*, i forget her name.
3. "hello my name is Ryan, im from ____, i like to take long walks on the beach and enjoy reading romantic fiction" Dr Richard replied asking who my favorite romantic fiction arthur was... "Oprah?"
2. "Will you get me more apple juice?" another girl did!
1. "Will you bake me a cake?" im getting muffins next week!

Top 5 Things to do at 4am at a women's shelter

1. Eat fruit. The bread is all donated and frozen, and the rest of the food is a little sketchy. Fruit is always good. So is coffee. Even when it's the cheapest coffee ever. 4am makes one a little desperate.
2. Think of a song and pretend you are listening to it to drown out the quietness of being the only person awake in a huge house.
3. Read up on all the brochures about the effects of different drugs, community services available, how to find a job, etc.
4. Do, yet another, room check...just to make sure everyone is indeed breating. Gotta love shining a flashlight on someone and disturbing their sleep every single hour.
5. Look at the clock once more and determine how much time has passed since the last time you looked, and how much longer it will be until you get to finally cuddle up and drift into dremland yourself.
...1 hour, 45 minutes....

Friday, September 8

Top 5 Unprotected Species

1. The field mouse
2. Cockroaches
3. Wolf Spiders
4. Raccoons
5. Crows

Let the killing begin.

Tuesday, September 5

Top 5 Freshmen I Know

1. Mark
2. Rob Brewer
3. Paul Gieselman

Monday, September 4

Top 5 Ways I won't be Getting to Work

1. Riding my bike - you have to go up a big hill.
2. Walking - you have to go up a big hill.
3. Skateboarding - you have to go up a big hill.
4. Scooter - you have to go up a big hill.
5. Pogo Stick - That would be just ridiculous.

Friday, September 1

Top 5 things I like about Abbotsford...

(A shout out to all the Abby Posts...)

1) The crime rate - Sure, were #3 in Canada. Sure it's not safe after nightfall, but at least were #3 in something...
2) The Fountain on the corner of Clearbook and South Fraser - Either it's filled with bubbles, a scary life size nativity scene, or Abbotsford's interesting homeless people.
3) The fact the almost everyone you bump into is of either two groups: East Indian or Mennonite.
4) Ethical Addictions. Good Tea. Nice Place. Nuff' said.
5) -With a Bullet - The "lakes" - Molson Lake and Mill lake. It's like they are trying so hard to be real cute...

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