Thursday, February 24

Top 5 Favorite Bassists

1. James Jamerson - part of the Funk Brothers in Detroit. The Funk Brothers have more number one hits than any artist. Jamerson was and is still an inspiration to anyone aspiring to be good at bass.

2. Jaco Pastorius - Man Weather Report is soooo cheesy, and half the time Jaco is wearing the most hideous outfits. But man, was he ever good at bass. His precision and articulation on a fretless is inspiring!

3. Josh Ward - Bassist for Hey Rosetta! Have you heard this guy? He plays a six string bass, and he is phenomenal! His lines are so melodic! Easily one of my favorite players these days.

4. Juan Alderete - Bassist for the Mars Volta. This guy is legit! So good, so underrated! I'm not super into the Mars Volta, but Alderete is a man I respect! His fretless work is fantastic! Not to mention he used to play in the speed metal band Racer X back in the day!

5. John Entwistle - If there was ever a bassist I aspired to play like, it would definitely be John Entwistle! He is a legend! His tone, his basslines, everything about the way he played was pure energy!

Tuesday, February 22

Top 5 Academy Awards Predictions

1. James Franco gets his arm caught underneath an Oscar and is forced to saw off his own arm on live television.

2. Natalie Portman wins for best actress. She accepts her award with a posse stuffed animals.

3. Geoffrey Rush wins for best supporting actor and stammers through his entire acceptance speech.

4. Anne Hathaway asks why she was never nominated for "The Princess Diaries" and "The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement".

5. Javier Bardem loses to Colin Firth for Best Actor. In retaliation, Bardem kills Firth with a Captive Bolt Pistol (cattle gun).

Saturday, February 12

Top 5 Dorky Vehicles

I was inspired on my drive home from work yesterday by a guy who cut me off with his #3.

Disclaimer: there are a lot of ugly vehicles out there. I drive an ugly truck (well, let's just say it's not *pretty*). But I also got it for free. And it's from the early 90's--ancient history.

No, I'm more concerned with those vehicles manufactured in the last decade, and which cost their owners a substantial amount of money. Newness + cost + dorkiness = this list.

5. Chrysler PT Cruiser

4. Chevy Avalanche

(Might not be so bad if it weren't for the box. Too short, too much plastic. This one is also orange, which is a triple-negative and would, in a fair Universe, implode.)

3. Honda Ridgeline

(I would say something about this one, but it's so dorky looking the best I can do is a laugh, and that doesn't translate well into text.)

2. Pontiac Aztek

(Someone/some people was/were paid to design this. And then someone/some people approved it. Other people set up plants to manufacture it. A dealer kept a straight face while selling it. And someone bought it. That makes me sad.)

1. Hummer

(Granted, this particular Hummer is every kind of wrong -- fancy rims, bright orange paint, chrome. But no other vehicle makes me laugh so consistently when I see one on the road. It is so over the top it's ridiculous. It isn't uniquely powerful, it's expensive (to buy, to fix, to operate), it serves no function that another SUV couldn't do just as well--nay, better. Worst of all? It looks butt-ugly.)

Tuesday, February 8

Top 5 exchange student moments (so far)

1. Finding a student microwaving his lunch (leftovers) in a tupperware container, and then packing it in a bag to eat 4 hour later.

2. Hearing the off-tune singing of Korean pop songs wafting up to our bedroom from below us while trying to sleep.

3. Having to create a "rule" that our student has to leave the house at least once over the weekend, after he spent 3 days solid without leaving the house (and no, he was not sick)

4. Answering phone calls from parents who chat and chat in their own language, seemingly oblivious to the fact that you do not understand a word they are saying.

5. Editing english homework that has CLEARLY been copied straight out of google translator (The love of the heart in devotion leaps and affection fond memories...) This went on for a good three lines of complete jibberish.

Monday, February 7

Top 5 Reasons this blog is dead

1. Bryan Dubien
2. Dan Donkers
3. Kyle Stewart
4. Melissa Mowat
5. =with a bullet= Daniel Kang

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