Sunday, November 30

Top 5 Alcoholic Beverages

1) Lemon Meringue - cocktail at Earl's.
2) no-name - cocktail that Leo makes just for me at the Brickhouse.
3) Jailbait - cocktail at Deighton's Well. (I was there just the other night, and had this lovely cocktail. I also asked our lovely waitress when she was "due," fully believing her to be pregnant. Turns out, she wasn't pregnant. I blame the cocktail.)
4) Newcastle beer
5) Heineken (my staple)

Tuesday, November 25

Top 5 Days Until Dan Comes to Abbotsford

1. Monday. Done.
2. Tuesday. Today.
3. Wednesday.
4. Thursday.

PS. Dan, I've been trying to call you but apparently you have no message service. I think I'm down with going to that show on the 9th. Is it too late to get tickets? Call me.

Monday, November 24

Top 5 Things Never to Post on the Internet

1. Your address
2. Your phone number
3. Your social insurance number
4. Your visa number
5. Your feelings

Tuesday, November 11

Top 5 Reasons The Onion Continues to Provide Legitimacy for the Internet

1. Struggling Lower-Class Still Unsure How Best To F*** Selves With Vote

2. YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A 'Good' Video

3. McCain Vows To Replace Secret Service With His Own Bare Fists

4. Disney Lab Unveils Its Latest Line Of Genetically Engineered Child Stars

5. Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life

Post-Election Bonus:
6. McCain Refusing To Tell Voters What's In Box Unless Elected

Monday, November 10

Top 5 Reasons the world is "f'd"


Sunday, November 9

Top 5 Recent Acquisitions

1) A boyfriend (over two weeks now, and still happy! I really, actually, like him. And a future with him in it is exciting to me! Weird...)
2) A few good knives (generously donated by my father, along with a whetstone. Like I'd ever trust myself with sharpening knives.)
3) A box of hot apple cider packages. My favourite brand, Lynch's. In fact, I think I'll make some right now.
4) A bag of clothes, handed down to me by my father's girlfriend. (Ummm... awkward. But some of it's actually nice... about 5%, I'd say... Would it be weird, wearing these things? I could just not think about it too much... I'm good at doing that for certain things. Not thinking about things, that is. Wait.. what?)
5) Red nail polish. OPI brand, and the shade is called "I got the blues for red." Candy apple red, in my opinion. (I have this obession with red nail polish. I have never found the perfect shade. But this one comes pretty darn close.)

Friday, November 7

Top 5 Things

1. A lady with a messed up face gets on the bus. I wonder if I'm crazy because no one else seems to notice or care. It turns out to be a Halloween costume. How do you accessorize with a messed up face? Obviously you use a morbidly obese midget riding a child size scooter. Nothing screams class like a carnival sideshow.
2. I think that if your preferred choice of dress is long leather overcoats, stark black clothes and excessive amounts of makeup, you probably should not be a rapper. I don't want to pigeon hole anyone here, but last time I checked gangsta was not spelled M-A-R-Y-L-I-N M-A-N-S-O-N. Also, if Dr. Suess can give you a run for your money in coming up with clever rhymes, take your makeup covered face and find a new line of work. Nothing rhymes with orange, not even blorange.
3. If life had rules like unions, I would stay home sick from life at least once a week. Also, I would use my shop steward (life steward?) powers to overtake a small nation (no on is going to notice Greenland is missing) and create it in my image. There would be no more graveyard shifts.
4. Is excessive amounts of coffee drinking considered substance abuse? I mean, it's not to the point where I am sneaking off to the bathroom to drink cups of coffee off of a toilet bowl, but where is the line between liking coffee, and shooting it directly into my veins? Maybe there are just too many shades of grey.
5. Go buy Joel Reimers CD "A Little Honesty" on itunes. Now. Or he will be paying you a little visit. He doesn't want to, but he will, it's part of his new business strategy.

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