Monday, March 31

Top Five Predicted Stolen Base Totals for 2008

1. 90 - Jose Reyes
2. 72 - Micheal Bourne
3. 53 - Carl Crawford
4. 51 - HanRam
5. 50 - Chone Figgins

Top Five Up and Coming Stars

1. Ryan Braun - reminds me alot of Ryan Howard. Only played in 113 games last year and was a top player. Will he have the same kind of second year that Ryan did, who knows. if he does its 58 homers for you Donkers. Good luck.
2. Troy Tulowitzki - This kid is historically good. He is a five tool stud of a ball player. He throws 93 accross the diamond, he can hit a ton. Great player, and the jays should have got him, in the draft. The best draft arguabbly ever was in 2005 and yeah, damn.
3. Prince Fielder - 23 and a force. allready a star, but come on... how many will he hit by 30
4. Grady Sizemore - Could be the best baseball player in my mind, the guy is an all out balls to the walls type, and though known in fantasy as a potential 30 30 guy. They guy will become a star this year.
5. Hunter Pense - How good will he be this year, will be judged on whether he is injured again.

no pitchers, cause yeah, they get injured too much - see fransisco lariano

Top Five Fantasy Pitchers

1. Johan Santana - a great player, who never seems to get injured, strikes out a ton of guys, has great ratios, and now playing on a great team with great defence could be huger than before.
2. Jake Peavy - quietly has looked only slightly worse than santana for 5 years now. Only really noticed finnally because he got 19 wins.
3. Brandon Webb - Has had very good success so far, and very resiliant.
4. Eric Bedard - Very good strikeout total last year, and headed to a pitchers park with a good defence, and moving away from the al east should help. Not many years to go on though, really shows the disparity on pitchers, lots of fluctuation every year.
5. Roy Oswalt - Amazing ratios, an off year last year, was still very good. As pitchers get older, they keep winning, but there stats do change.

Predicted Top 5 Home Run Totals in Baseball for 2008

1. Ryan Howard - 55
2. Arod - 52
3. Cabrera - 44
4. Prince Fielder - 43
5. David Ortiz - 42

Top Five Franchise Players

1. AROD (Pinchers of Power) 32 years old, and rediculous numbers for 12 years. Now looking at his carreer stats each year, its even more obvious. Wow. and 3rd base is a tough position to fill, though it seems like there is alot of talent there, those players dont' traditionally do well very long. 3rd base is by far the least represented in the hall of fame, I think there is 6.
2. Hanley Ramirez (Pinchers of Power) 24 years old - Only really two years to go by, but in those two years he stole 51 bases. He also scores alot of runs, and hit for power last year. He also plays at a premium position. SS is probably the shallowest position, with the greatest dropoffs.
3. David Wright (bosox) 25 years old - another 5 category guy. 3 years of outstanding baseball to go on, for this guy, and hitting in a lineup on the rise.
4. Albert Pujols (jays) 27 years old. He started with a bang, and hasn't stopped for 7 years. Unless he is injured he finishes in the top 5 mvp voting every year of his career by his stats alone. CRAZY. His numbers are awesome,
5. Miguel Cabrera (bosox) 24 years old and allready a 4 catagory machine, who enters this year in his 5th season, in a very good lineup, in a good hitting ballpark, and in great shape. This guy will rake for awhile.

Top 5 things that happened at work last night:

1. The package that was taped up with tape labeled, "Otto - The Standard of Excellence."
2. The package from Loblaw Companies. I really hope the ceo of the company us named Bob. (turns out Loblaw Companies operates under the banner Real Canadian Superstore.)
3. Yelling "Come on!" after seeing the Loblaw Companies box.
4. Having the guy who works beside me on the sorting line look at me funny, then saying, "Check out banner Micheal."
5. Work ended and I went to bed.

Top 5 Predictions

1. The Rise of the Roman Empire. Made by Daniel in the book of Daniel. Fulfilled in 100ish BC.
2. The Fall of Jerusalem and the destruction of the Temple. Made by Jesus in the book of Mark. Fulfilled in 70 AD.
3. A Homerun to Center Field. Made by Babe Ruth in game 3 of the 1932 World Series. Fulfilled moments later.
4. The Assassination of John F. Kennedy. Made by Nostradamus in 1557. Fulfilled on November 22, 1963.
5. A Stopfive Revival. Made by Dan Donkers on January 4, 2008. Currently being fulfilled.

Sunday, March 30

Top 5 People Affiliated With Stop Five

1. Geoff: He also went to summit. Funny, funny man. he is getting married and is an infrequent poster here at the stop five offices.
2. Jenn: Nobody really knows who she is, but we do know she was with child and assume she had said child. She was once a stopfive stalker whom we converted to a stopfive poster.
3. Allie: She doesn't post here anymore, but she is still part of the stopfive family. She still goes to summit.
4. Ben Kweller: He takes time from his music career to infrequently post here. Actually, he is a pretty good friend to all of us here at stopfive records, and he is also a student currently serving at Summit.
5. Mazda3Man and Tim Stevens: I have no clue who either of these guys are, but they are listed as posters on our fair blog. I think both are friends of Bryan. Wait, I think I was in a fantasy baseball league with Tim. I totally kicked his butt.

Anyways, I'm off to work now. Stupid graveyards. (Yes, that's right, I work in a graveyard.)

Top 5 Terrible Movies I Own

1. Masters of the Universe. Starring Dolph Lundgren. So, so, so, so, so terrible. the redeeming factor is found in the commentary when we discovered how serious the director took himself and this awful movie.
2. Batman: The Movie. This is the Adam West version. Terrible, but in a totally redeemable way (you need to watch the movie to understand.)
3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3. It came in the three pack with the other two. I wish it didn't, ninja turtles shouldn't time travel.
4. The Hebrew Hammer. I don't know why I bought this. I think Bryan said it was funny, or Blackwood. Possibly even Kang. It is such a painfully unfunny movie. Even Judy Greer can't redeem it.
5. Wrongfully Accused. I like Leslie Nielsen. I find him good for cheap laughs. I hate this movie. I thought I remembered liking it when I bought it for 5.99. I was deluding myself.

Top 5 Animated Movies I Own

1. The Pro Stars. Okay, not really a movie, but rather 3 cartoon episodes of an 80's cartoon starring Michael Jordan, Bo Jackson (of "Bo knows baseball" fame) and Wayne Gretzky. Bought because I remember loving the show as a kid and it was 5 bucks at Walmart. It is a terrible show.
2. Transformers: The Movie. Technically this is blackwoods, but seeing as he is never around to return it to, I am adopting it and giving it a good home until Andrew reclaims it. I still get teary eyed when Optimus dies.
3. The Simpsons Movie. This movie was the culmination of everything I found funny in the 90's. Well layered movie.
4. Ratatouille. Meh. Didn't really care for it. It was on for cheap though, so no loss.
5. Jonah, a veggie tales movie. It was okay. Bought becaus i thought I needed to own a christian movie to feel less like a heathen at Bible College.

Top 5 Stop Fivers with Alternate Names (an official welcome for New Girl)

So, you've discovered that Josh and Otto are one and the same. Here's a little more to help you out.

1. Sunshine Girl - aka Slynn, SL, Sara-Lynn, Mrs Kang, (and, for today, BIRTHDAY GIRL!!)
2. rivers - aka Dan Kang (or simply Dan)
3. holly - aka HA, holl, PG girl
4. the Stewart - aka Kyle (...hmmmm....i thought there were more...)
5. meliss - aka Moey or Mo (Also, incidentally, Melissa)

Also noteworthy: Dan - aka Donkers (omitted since you know him), pseudotrend - aka Andrew, Blackwood, Vlackvood (omitted due to prolonged absence), Rob - aka Robert Conci, i.i.r. p.c.wg. (omitted because it seemed self explanatory) and Bryan - aka Bry, Madd Mardigan, Dubien, the originator of Stop Five Records! (omitted simply due to the 'Top 5' format - lack of space - oh! the irony!!)

Hope that helps New Girl!!

Top 5 Things from This Weekend

1. I went to the spa with Moey. We are not spa girls, but had a great time. My skin is smooth and silky and very relaxed.
2. I got to hang out lots with my husband. We went shopping, out for coffee, watched movies, cuddled. All of it is great!
3. Dan bought me a teapot! A Beehouse blue teapot with the built in tea strainer. I've wanted one of these for ages. It is perfect.
4. I am about to go to Dan's parents house for homemade chinese food. Yum!
5. It is sunny outside! I love the sunshine. In fact, I think I need to revive the old nickname "sunshine girl" for myself. It's cheesy - I know, but it makes me happy.

Top 5 thingys

1. The thingy on the end of my shoe laces
2. The thingy in the cupboard, next to that spice
3. The round purple thingy
4. the thingy that whatsherface uses for the thing
5. the thingy next to the whatchimacallit.

It's all on the tip of my tongue...

Saturday, March 29

Top 5 Things That Should be Done

1. We should have a reunion of some sort this summer. Dan, Rob and I had one a few weeks back, but we should all get together. Actually the last time a majority of us were together was probably back in the dahlstrom manor days. It's been way to long.
2. Hang out with Kyle. Maybe downtown vancouver on a saturday or something like that.
3. Invite the new girl to the reunion and only refer to her as new girl (thank you for that precedent Holly).
4. Start writing music. I've been playing bass for Joel Reimer (, but I should get off my duff and write and begin playing my own stuff. However, joel is awesome and I love playing for him.
5. Play floor hockey.

Top 5 Things That Make Me Sad

5. When dairy goes bad.
4. Ugly babies.
3. Sub par gas mileage.
2. Vegetables.
1. Running out of Arrested Development trivia questions.

Top 5 things to do the day after you "break up" with a girl

1.  Be sure to show up to the place where said girl is, and bring a prettier girl with you
2.  Make sure the new girl is the "ex" girl's new friend
3.  When the girl you've broken up with mentions how lame it is to break up over the phone while in the bath be sure to say "Well, that's the way it happened".  Do not under any circumstances apologize.  
4.  Sit inappropriately close to new girl - this ensures that all people in the room can share in "ex"-girls' discomfort
5.  When "ex"-girl tells you she's going home because she's uncomfortable tell her "that's fine".  This way she can know you have given her permission to let her leave.

Again, I do not suggest implementing these rules if you are dating a girl with any self-respect.  Your evening will end awkwardly, with you and new girl slowly becoming social pariahs.  Also the girl with self-respect will have no problem letting you know exactly why you are lame and then tearing you a new one.  Then she will probably go home and mock you on the internet for the second time that day.

I'm convinced that my life couldn't be scripted better, even if I had my own sit-com writers.  

oh, and The Stewart next friday works for me, but only if you promise to break out the limp.  Maybe people will feel sorry for us and we can get a free meal!

Friday, March 28

Top 5 ways to "break up" with a girl

1. Do it over the phone, that way you won't have to see her face to face.  This is particularly acceptable in the 9th grade.  however, its still not too late in your mid twenties
2. After you tell her that you aren't ready for commitment, say "I hope you can handle it".  Make sure that you say this to a girl with self-respect, then she can enjoy this as a humorous story to tell her friends later.  Also, make sure you say it to a girl who hasn't actually asked you for a commitment
3.  Break up with her while you are in the bath.  This way you can multi-task innapropriately, letting her know how insensitive and creepy you really are.
4.  Lie about being in the bath - then splash around a little bit.
5.  Don't end the conversation.  Just be awkwardly quiet and make her talk.  This will work in your favour because no matter how she ends the conversation, you can say that she got mad and hung up on you.

These of course are not recommended to follow if you have any social decency whatsoever.  These rules are only to be implemented if you want to save her from any pain.  If you follow these rules, you will turn the situation into one where she feels very relieved because she "dodged the bullet" that is you.  

Yes everyone, this actually happened to me.  I have got to stop dating hot guys!  

Now if anyone knows a man with "invisible friends" or a guy who fakes a limp for attention let me know.  Then I can date him and my collection of crazies will be complete.  

Thursday, March 27

Top Five Ways to Procrastinate When You Have a Ridiculous Amount of Work to Do

1) Facebook creeping. Facebook does to Time what Ghengis Khan did to the Jin Dynasty.
2) Do meaningless and trivial chores, like taking out the garbage. Or wiping down your desk from dust and mug rings.
3) Download all the missing album artwork for your new iPod nano. When there is none to be found, you google around for other random pictures until you find a suitable substitution.
4) Crank your best dance music and just let loose. Unless you have a roommate who is entertaining an out-of-town guest. Then you wait til they leave the room and have a back up explanation at hand when they return to find you out of breath and clutching your hairbrush.
5) Think of lists of five. And blog them into cyberspace. The act of typing and organizing one's thoughts gives one the appearance and feeling of being productive.

Thanks, guys. I'm honoured to be here, enriching your lives with my avoidance issues. It means a lot to me. You won't regret this.

Top 5 Rules for Love: Fairytale Princess Edition (Inspired by Enchanted)

1. It's all about true love's kiss. That's really how you know...
2. It's okay to make a habit of falling off of things - as long as someone is there to catch you (that's the role of your prince, in case you were wondering).
3. Your prince will ALWAYS come to the rescue - even when everyone else doubts he will.
4. You only need to use wishes to actually find your true love. Once you've found him, wishes are irrelevant.
5. *With a bullet* None of this talking and thinking and learning about each other in relationships matters. What really matters is how it is communicated in a song! We should just scrap talking altogether and rely solely on the lyrical word to express ourselves. Bursting into spontaneous song makes everyone happy! Our world would be a much better place. (And I'm not kidding on this one... Melissa can back me up).

Honorable mention: You CAN live happily ever after! And if you ever hear of anyone who hasn't, it is definitely a cause for much tears and sadness.

Saturday, March 22

Top 5 Rules: The Fairytale Princess Edition

1. Rule #13: Never ever accept an apple of any kind from an old hag!
2. Rule #43: When you jump out of a window, try to fall gracefully in a sitting position. This makes it easier for the prince to catch you.
3. Rule #26: Your man is never dead. If you think your man is dead, don't go ahead and marry the first obnoxious suitor that comes along. Your love will return for you.
4. Rule #33: If you can't work the sewing machine, you have no business getting married.
5. Rule #67: Always have a way of contacting your fairy Godmother. They are priceless commodities in times of trouble.

Wednesday, March 19

Top5 Downloads of the Last 5 Days

5. Chuck Mangione, Feels So Good
4. Lionel Richie, Hello
3. Fleet Foxes, Your Protector (thanks Dan!)
2. Pat Benatar, Love Is A Battlefield (Live)
1. All Along The Watchtower, Bear McCreary

Top5 DVDs I Bought This Week

5. Ghostbusters. Every time I watch this is like the first time (I think I've watched it 5 times)
4. The Wind That Shakes The Barley. Cillian Murphy in an award-winning film about the early Irish resistance.
3. Sunshine. This combines 3 of my favourite things: outer-space, Danny Boyle, and burning things.
2. Arrested Development Season 2. Of course.
1. Arrested Development Season 1. Are you still reading this? Go watch it!

Tuesday, March 18

Top 5 DVD's Dan Kang Can't Wait to Watch this Week

1. What a Girl Wants - That Amanda Bynes can sure spin a tall tale. This is also in preparation for Dan's trip to Great Britain
2. Ghost Dog - We all remember how awesome that movie was. For Dan, it's more than a memory. It's an itch that must be scratched.
3. National Treasure: Book of Secrets - Quite possibly his favourite movie of all time. He tells me it's "10 times better and more accurate than the original." I keep trying to convince him that this is a work of fiction. He's not convinced. I also keep trying to convince him that Canadian citizens cannot become president of the United States (thus gaining access to the book of secrets). He's not convinced.
4. Grandmother Martha - Dan has a lot of time this week, and this one runs 24 hours and 12 minutes.
5. The Teletubbies Take Toontown - I'm convinced Dan just made it up, but he keeps telling me "it's awesome - a mystical magic train that rolls through all the stations of your mind." Seriously, every time I ask about it that's exactly what he says.

Friday, March 14

Top 5 Movies I'm Excited About

Top 5 movies, in chronological order, I am not ashamed to admit being excited for. Potential academy winners need not apply.

1. Iron Man
2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

3. Get Smart
4. The Dark Knight
5. X-Files 2

Honourable Mention(s): The Happening, Hancock.

Top 5 DVD's I've Watched This Week

1. V for Vendetta - Rented for a work party, but not watched that night.
2. The Big Lebowski - Bought for 10 bucks! So awesome!
3. No Country for Old Men - Bought it the day it came out!
4. Into The Wild - Bought it the day it came out!
5. =with a bullet= The Virgin Suicides - Bought for 6.99!!!! Man I forgot how good this Coppola movie is!!!!!!

Honorable Mention: Ghostbusters - Man have you seen this movie lately? It is HILARIOUS!

Wednesday, March 12

Top 5 Greatest Typecasts in Television History

1. Bob Saget as Danny Tanner
2. John Stamos as Jesse Katsopolis
3. Dave Coulier as Joey Gladstone
4. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen as Michelle
5. Golden Retriever as Comet

Honourable Mention - That street in San Francisco as the Full House street

Monday, March 10

Top 5 Albums of 2008 (so far)

1. August and Everything After - Counting Crows
2. Under the Table and Dreaming - Dave Matthews Band
3. Amanda Marshall - Amanda Marshall
4. Tuesday Night Music Club - Sheryl Crow
5. Cracked Rear View - Hootie and the Blowfish

Top 5 Dislikes

1. Having to do the groundwork for other people's poorly thought out ideas.
2. Tomatoes.
3. Christian Music.
4. Locking my keys in the car, while the car is running, in the rain.
5. Going to bed when my hair is wet.

Thursday, March 6

Top 5 Worms

1. Tapeworm
2. Wormhole
3. Sea Cucumber
4. Earthworm
5. Bloodworm

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