Stop Five Records

1. RBI baseball. Still the most brilliantly simple baseball game in existence.
2. Mario brothers 3. Just the best Mario game period.
3. Jackal. A jeep that shoots things. Two player action. Whooo!
4. Dodgeball. I don't remember the exact name of this one, but man what a game.
5. Double Dragon II. Nothing can compare to the killer roundhouse kick and knee to the face action of this game.

1. Baba O'riley (Teenage Wasteland) by The Who
2. Praise You by Fat Boy Slim
3. Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash
4. Jesus Walks by Kanye West
5. Stairway to Heaven by Led Zepellin

1. They're messy. I don't understand how you can talk on one.
2. They're just too small. You can't fit all those letters on even the biggest blackberry.
3. They store them in really thorny places. I don't want to have to deal with any pricks when I'm buying my blackberry.
4. They're only in season for a short time.
5. Number three was by far the cleverest. This post is over.

1. Trevi Fountain - if you toss a coin or drink the water you ensure coming back to Rome, also good for coin toss wishing
2. The Colisseum, the Panthenon, the Forum, the HISTORY - so thick you can almost taste it
3. Gelato - yum
4. The Vatican - during the week of Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday, super busy
5. Italian Men - so beautiful, and so nice...i've been here a day and am already convinced i am "bella"

1. Takayasu Tanaka
2. Bolsa
3. Jackson
4. Takeshi
5. = with a bullet = Dr. Popular

Notable Acceptions FIZX (Takeshi's sidekick)

yo yo yo yo
This post brought to you by the same folk who brought you Emimem and Vanilla Ice

1. To find the fabled Supply of Power. Most likely, it is guarded by Koreans, or someone likely to inflict a Future Shop Extended Warranty curse, for which there is no cure.
2. To find the missing disk of Fidelity Highest.
3. To provide the peasants with shelter. Not much of quest, unless you consider the dangerous fording of the Rio Grande while under attack by the evil forces of the Minutemen.
4. To discover which heinous bandit stole the middles of all the Olympic medals, and bring him to justice. My only clue so far: his name is Tim H.
5. =With a Bullet= To find the prophesied One Ring of Wedlock, and the one for whom it was meant.


"Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more"

1. I found the blue seeing stone while backpacking through Tibet. "It changed me!"
2. I found the red seeing stone in a little cranny between my bed and my desk, beneath dirty socks and cracker crumbs. Note to self: never eat crackers in bed. Never.
3. I found the orange seeing stone in the eye socket of an old witch; now I know how I am to die.
4. I found the pink seeing stone after defeating the ogre in the Caves of Raknar, and the Sorceress gave it to me to aid in my quest of rescuing Princess Enidan from the dragon Nightshade.
5. I couldn't find the clear seeing stone, so I cheated and looked in the other four. Then, I stole it from Donkers who was using it to up the ratio of HOC's. Shame on you.


"I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone"

"But I still haven't found what I'm looking for"

1. Off to Rome tomorrow. Pretty damn exciting.
2. No place to live as of yet. I think that's ok though...worries me some, but i'm not super picky about places to live, so i should be ok.
3. No word yet as to which store I will be at here. Trying not to panic. Probably fine.
4. Not so much my mind as my heart is certain specific people back in Canada (Andrew, Holly, Dan, the Kangs, Rob, Reine, Jo, Bryan etc)
5. My stomache. I'm getting hungry.

1. Max Headroom.
2. Never feed them after midnight.
3. Crystal Pepsi.
4. I've fallen and I can't get up.
5. Pogo balls.

Do any of you guys remember these?

1. Jazz Band
2. Choir
3. Jazz Choir
4. The School Musical
5. Youth Group

1) 47
2) 3
3) 1, 200,000
4) 12
5) 3.141592653589793238462643383279502

5. GO TO CALIFORNIA!
4. GO TO SIX FLAGS!
3. GO ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT!
2. KISS BOB BARKER!
1. KISS DAN DONKERS!

1. He doesn't cry. Robots don't cry.
2. He has superhuman human helping powers. He thinks like a machine.
3. He don't take no crap from nobody. Much like a robot.
4. His eyes glow a deep red at night. You'll have to trust me on this one.
5. He eats canned fruit for breakfast. Without opening the can.

1. The swimming pool where I learned to swim.
2. The ice rink where my dad works. We'd play hockey there every New Years Eve.
3. The bridge where me and my friends would play Pooh sticks (named after Winnie the Pooh).
4. The Quiznos Subs store I worked at. I love Quiznos subs. Although I wasn't really a child when I worked there.
5. The place where I wanted to camp, even though it was right on a busy walking trail.

Man, good times in the PoMo.

1) Love You Forever - If this didn't make you cry, your heart is made of ice...
2) Pigs! - Stinky pigs make everyone laugh...
3) Murmel Murmel Murmel - Does it freak anyone else out that this baby is living under a sandbox?
4) 50 Below Zero - If it was really 50 below zero, wouldn't you die? Good story, none the less...
5) Good Families Don't - A case study on the plight of the fart.

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1. Monk
2. Librarian (Even better if you're already a hot female librarian)
3. Member of Parliament
4. Starbucks employee (I think they probably do train their employees in Ninja tactics)
5. Recruitment Counselor for a small, unassuming Bible College

This one's for you Ash.

1. Chewbacca
2-5. All the other wookies.

1. Porcupines
2. Sunfish
3. Most cats
4. Surprisingly, squid
5. The razor monkey

Because i dont sleep much any more during the nights i have clearly had to much time on my hands. in this time i have found five other album covers which Rivers must of accidentaly missed while reviewing Donkers favorites. Here's what i found.

5. Tijuana Picnic - Colonel Sanders


4. By Request Only - Ken


3. Can I Borrow A Feeling - Cody Maitherson


2. Trees Talk Too - Geraldine and Ricky


1. I Love my Life - Jim Post


YES!

1. Mario and Princess Peach - Mario Brother's Series
2. Link and Zelda - Legend of Zelda Series
3. Liu Kang and Katana - Mortal Combat Series
4. Mr. and Mrs. Pacman - Pacman Series
5. Lance and Bill - Brokeback Contra Series

1. John Madden - biggest man I have seen in a long time. wow. he is absolutely huge. I saw him get into a tour bus, with atleast 3 plasma screen tvs.
2. Franco Harris - cool looking dude and he was super hyped all weekend.
3. Chad Johnson - I was wearing a bengals Jersey and the dude snubbed me. Great story, not a great guy. (also... so small, I could take him)
4. Warren Moon/Hines Ward - I saw them hug in Ford Stadium. It was a touching moment as far a football goes.
5. Reggie Jackson - MR. OCTOBER - haha, he was with Al Sharpton

Notable exception: the chick from ANTM who wouldn't cut her hair, in a super low class bar at 2 pm. She was leaving another cooler bar that had just let out. probably trying to wait for a ride that never came :( they ended up just walking. She was very pretty though.

1) Big
2) Jack
3) I am Sam
4) Hook
5) Jumanji

Bonus - Mike Myers as the 'Hyper-Hypo' on Saturday night live

Those movies all blow major chunks.

1. Uptown Girls
2. Man on Fire
3. War Of The Worlds
4. I am Sam
5. Hide and Seek

Sheesh Dan... I think we should revoke your credentials as a Stopfive critic. Your slipping.

1. Millions
2. The Goonies
3. E.T.
4. Home Alone
5. D.A.R.Y.L.

5. Eat so fast. i had a tummy ache.
4. Ask Mr Leland Cameron to test drive a car. he came along for the ride.
3. Eat so fast again. the thing that comes after tummy aches.
2. Neglect to obey the Stoney Creek Park sign. number one will explain. (Sign reads, appropriate ages of 7 - 12. parental supervion required)
1. Should not of climb up a slanted swingset pole. i slipped and slid... you could image how. don't ask to see my bruise this time.

1. The face squeeze. usually happens only in the presence of hot guys. looks like creepy overdone wink. customers look confused. I'm so hot.
2. finger twitch. freaky when I forget about it because out of the corner of my eye it looks like something trying to crawl up my arm.
3.the dizzies. Its like being drunk, swaying to and fro. Can be fun if I avoid walls and corners...especially corners
4. The brain squeeze. kind of like a cramp of the brain. It feels like cold water being poured over my brain. ick
5. throwing up. this is by far the worst. nobody ever likes to throw up.
not a funny post, unless you're scottish. but cathartic none the less.

5. Vault: Kickass Scarecrow (Man it up!)
4. Ameriquest Mortgage Co: That Killed Him
3. Emerald Nuts: Machetes and Druids
2. Bud Light: Secret Fridge
1. Sprint: Locker Room

Best commercial from a previous year:
2003: Reebok: Terry Tate - Office Linebacker

Best monkey commercial:
CareerBuilder: Monkey Party

Freakin' weirdest commercial:
Hummer: Giant Monsters

5. So I'm banned, 'cause the Regime don't like it, man?!
4. [He's] named after Nelson Mandela, the great leader, who they locked up just 'cause he was black.
3. When I first saw her I thought, "Oh God," and then I thought, "Well, you know, maybe she's got a good personality." She hasn't.
2. For me to be attracted to a woman, she has to be as intelligent, or slightly less intelligent, than me. And she is.
1. You headbutt a girl on TV and you're labelled a prat. And that's the game.

Honourable mention:
"I was expecting a blind date and I was worried you were it."

5. Prat
4. Lard boy
3. Plonker
2. You beardy twat
1. Pug-nosed gimp

Honourable mention:
Absolutely Flabulous

5. And, you know, also, if you're laughing in the jungle you're going to give your position away to the enemy.
4. Girls...invite girls...not the girls that work here...other girls, pretty girls...it shouldn't cost you anything.
3. It's a democracy, that's the point. Everyone gets their ideas on a piece of paper.
2. No, I don't know exactly how I'll feel...I'll feel like a friend feels, whatever that is.
1. The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with...probably the only thing you've got in common is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day. So, obviously, when someone comes in who you, you have a connection with - yeah. And Dawn was a ray of sunshine in my life, and it meant a lot.

Honourable mentions:
"Careful. She's got a fiancee."
"But, as I said, I'm not going to ask her again...c'mon! I might ask her again. No I won't, no I won't. I know I won't, I know I won't. She would have to do the asking."

1) C
2) A
3) D
4) B
5)

There were only four answers on this multiple choice question.
(Thanks Dad)

5. People for the American Way
When you get to this website, scroll down the page a little bit and click on "Right Wing Watch". Take a quick look around, then click on "Right Wing Organizations". See if you recognize any of the groups listed there.

4. The Federal Communications Commission
"The Fairness Doctrine is a former policy of the United States's Federal Communications Commission. It required broadcast licensees to present controversial issues of public importance, and to present such issues in an honest, equal and balanced manner...Critics of the Fairness Doctrine believed that it was primarily used to intimidate and silence political opposition."
- Wikipedia

"A Congressman has come forth with a bill to bring back the Fairness Doctrine in order to protect, he says, “diversity of views.” He is Maurice Hinchey of New York, and his bill is called the Media Ownership Reform Act of 2005. In addition to “preventing excessive concentration of ownership of the nation’s media outlets,” it includes the restoration of “fairness in broadcasting…to foster and promote localism, diversity, and competition in the media.”
- Nat Hentoff (full article here)

3. Canadian Radio and Telecommunications Commission
"Communications in the Public Interest" is their motto. Click on "Canadian Content" at the top of the site page, then click "What is Canadian Content?" under the paragraph beneath the giant leaf.
Pay close attention to the wording used. Are we starting to see a pattern here?

2. The European Union
"On every policy involving mass surveillance of its citizens, the EU is prepared to go well beyond what the U.S. Government finds acceptable and palatable, and violate the privacy of citizens...For instance, today the European Parliament is being forced by the Council of the European Union to approve a measure on communications data retention. This 'directive' requires every EU country to force telephone companies, internet service providers and other providers of communications services to monitor the logs of the communications made by their clients, no matter if they are being investigated or not."
- Privacy International, December 14, 2005

"The European Parliament voted today to adopt [the Data Retention Directive]...of concern is the broad discretion that is left to EU member states. For example, data may be accessed for the purposes of combatting serious crime and terrorism, but no concrete definition of these concepts has been provided, allowing member states to transpose their own definitions on the provisions of the Directive."
- Privacy international, December 15, 2005

1. North Korea
Holy crap, just look at this website!

Follow my thinking here: in June of 1949, George Orwell's dystopian novel 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' was first published. Less than 12 months later, Kim Il Sung's Korean People's Army crossed the 38th parallel to make war on South Korea in an effort to spread his newly crystalized vision of a Big Brother government across all of Korea.

You connect the dots.

---

View 1984 video

5. "Risky Business."
4. "George Bush doesn't care about black puppets."
3. "There's a girl in my soup!"
2. "C-Word." Teach a man to fish...
1. "Private eye drama censored by FOX." Keep your eye on Veronica Mars.



Second base "Pete Rose style". Pete was famous for sliding head-first into third base. Think about it.

5. "Marry me!...That's just wrong on so many levels." - Michael
4. "Leave the fruits to the vegetables." - Lindsey
3. "I always pictured Gob in a lighthouse." - Tobias
2. "Looks like George Michael's got his mother back." - Gob
1. "It's a great day...to be sad." - George Michael

Honourable mentions:
"Why do there have to be puppets like Frank?" - Wayne Jarvis
"Well I was so busy making sweet love on my wife...it was hard to hear anything over the clanking of her breasts." - Tobias
"And that's how the kids got married." - Narrator
"He's in what we call a light-to-no coma. It's more like a heavy nap." - Buster's doctor
"COME ON!" - Buster

// posted by Rob @ 12:24 a.m. 3 Comments

1. Deep down everyone would rather be a drummer.
2. Chicks dig the drummer. Bass players get the screw job in this area. This one has been proven by years of research and experience.
3. Drummers need to have tremendous dexterity. Bass players just have to be good with there hands.
4. When the drummer is missing, everyone notices. When the Bass player is missing, people notice, but nobody cares.
5. Drum solos (not albums) are awesome. When was the last time you heard a good Bas solo that was not done by Victor Wooten or the guy from The Who?

1. Bass players are a comfortable mix of both rhythm and melody. We do it all.
2. Bass players can put out entire albums of just Bass. Lets face it, unless you are a drummer, most people will not want to listen to an hour of just drums. Victor Wooten has proved that a Bass album can sell.
3. When Bass players makes a mistake, people assume they are being innovative. When a drummers make a mistake, people assume they are being a tool.
4. Bass players don't need translators.
5. After much scientific research, it has been concluded that ther has never been a non-cute female Bass player. Ever. Female drummers....aside from the few exceptions, they tend to be a manly group.

1. She's still beautiful. That always helps.
2. She's still got pipes. Such good range.
3. Her album grooves like nobody's business.
4. She won 3 grammy awards.
5. =with a bullet= Her performance at the Grammys was awesome. The gospel choir? Amazing.

Editor's side note - Dianne Reeves won a grammy for jazz vocalist with her work on the soundtrack for Good Night and Good Luck. I would recommend that movie to all our faithful readers. It is excellent on its own merits, but the soundtrack is awesome. And they use the music in such a unique and effective way.

1. Audrey Tautou. Talented and beautiful.
2. Michelle Williams. Talented, and I love her unassuming charm.
3. Diane Keaton. Talented and aging gracefully.
4. Scarlet Johansson. Talented and endearing.
5. Sofia Coppola. Talented and underrated.

You got two right brother.

And Mellissa
hehe

1. Rachel McAdams. Talented and beautiful.
2. Laura Linney. Talented, and I love her unassuming charm.
3. Diane Keaton. Talented and aging gracefully.
4. Scarlet Johansson. Talented and endearing.
5. Hope Davis. Talented and underrated.

Up and comers: Melissa Mowatt - Talented and brilliant producer.

ever google a name under image search? well here are my Top Five Favorite Finds. i'd like to think that the following images that are displayed shows what our future might hold for us.
5. Searched "Dan Kang"

Basically this was the first picture that showed up. and i couldnt risk recieving another screw driver from rivers kang. however the rest of you are free game.

4. Searched "Josh Otto" Okay so as you can already tell Josh is an Old White man. The reason why Josh made number four is because i just couldnt remember the spelling of other peoples names to look them up. so by defualt i present Josh Otto, the old white man.

3. Searched "Conci" because "Rob Conci" didnt show Again Old White male. by Default i present CONCI!

2. Searched "Dan Donkers"
Dan Donkers appears to be... An Old White male. but if you look closely you can tell the resemblance of Dan Donkers and the McDonald's Hambergler.. or maybe im over tired.
1. Searched "Andrew Blackwood"

MYSTERY SOLVED!.

BUT WAIT WE CANT FORGET OUR FRIEND IN THE EAST... "DUBIEN"

if you look closely, in dubien's future it appears as though he suffers from something i like to call... "Largeoldwomanwithsaggybreastandbadhairitis"

1. Cute Girl.
2. Creepy asian kids trying to smoke something in the bathroom.
3. Leather Jacket Lady.
4. Heavy Breathing Guy.
5. RPG Kids.

1. Geicko Lizard. He's just so cool.
2. Budweiser Frogs.
3. Those singing cows from the milk commercials.
4. Wishbone. He was a spokesperson for reading.
5. The meow mix cats.

Notable exception: Howard and Frank, the new Telus beavers.

5. Burt's thinking of moving. He said there was a day that you could go out on your deck and shoot a rifle down the valley. now that there are houses those days are gone...
4. Burt lent his horse to his neighbour. The neighbour went on Burts deck to return it, with the horse. The deck fell off the house... (now 2 reasons no shooting will be had off the deck)
3. When take my horse for a walk, the neighbours dog chases it. I'm thinking of shooting the dog...
2. Judy's neighbour's trailer burnt down, so now she's staying at Judy's (also Burt's house) Burt's gonna kill her soon
1. Caul, his dad and his uncle are making moonshine in their backyard...

You all wish you could meet Burt

Now that ITunes knows my Visa number, I might as well make some purchases.

1. "Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts" -Wolf Parade (Already purchased). The fact is, if I have any good taste in music I can generally attribute it to Mr. Kang, who played this one for me.
2. "Always be my Baby" - Mariah Carey. Opposite of above.
3. "Wheat Kings" - Tragically Hip. Mentioned in an earlier post.
4. "Take Five" - Dave Brubeck. How I've been a drummer for so long without owning this song (Or the Timeout album for that matter) is incomprehensible.
5. "Hurt" - Jonny Cash version. I've been itching for this one for a while now.

Playstation 3
1. Central Processing Unit
- 234-million transistor Cell processor chip
- 3.2Ghz PowerPC core with seven 128-bit vector processing units
2. Graphics Processing Unit
- 300-million transistor Nvidia GeForce 550Mhz chip
- traditional independant vertex/pixel shader architecture
3. Total System Performance
- 50-billion-dot-product-operations per second
- 2 Teraflops floating point performance
4. I/O and Media
- up to 7 wireless bluetooth controllers
- 6 USB, SD, CompactFlash, memory stick, 3 ethernet (1 in, 2 out), Wi-Fi
- 2.5” removable hard drive, reads BD-ROM and most DVD and CD formats
- Blu-ray BD-ROM (54GB) game media
- composite, component, S-Video, 2 separate HDMI outputs (simultaneous)
- Dolby Digital 5.1, DTS, LPCM, DSP, optical audio out
- 480i, 480p, 720p, 1080i, 1080p resolution
5. Games
- backward compatible with PSOne and Playstation2
- over 13,000 titles available
- online community and media center functionality
- look for: Devil May Cry 4, The Getaway 3, Killing Day, Vision Gran Turismo

XBox 360
1. Central Processing Unit
- 165-million transistor multi-core processor
- features 3 multi-threading 3.2Ghz PowerPC cores
2. Graphics Processing Unit
- 500Mhz ATI chip, with 10MB embedded DRAM
- new Unified Shader Architecture
3. Total System Performance
- 33.6-billion-dot-product-operations per second
- 1 Teraflop floating point performance
4. I/O and Media
- 4 wireless controllers
- 3 USB, 2 memory slots, ethernet port, Wi-Fi (not included
- 20GB removable hard drive, reads most DVD and CD formats
- dual-layer DVD-ROM (9GB) game media
- composite, component, S-Video, VGA connections
- multi-channel 16-bit digital surround sound
- 480p, 480i, 720p, 1080i resolution (cables separate
5. Games
- limited backwards compatibility (with extra purchase)
- XBox Live kicks ass
- look for: Halo 2, Call of Duty 2, Quake 4, Condemned, Perfect Dark Zero

Concluding thoughts
5. These new machines are monsters. You've never seen anything like them.
4. It will take several years for their full capabilities to be understood and exploited, so look forward to better and better games as time passes.
3. These consoles will stream media like water from a fire hose, but real-time write functions like AI, gamer input, and physics may not be able to keep up due to hardware limitations (some think Xbox may have a slight edge here). Luckily game programmers have a lot of control over how they feed information to the hardware and how some parts of that hardware handle their information; so, again, look forward to improved game play as developers hone their skills on the new machines.
2. As usual, Sony puts a better package together for your money and brains. As far as peripherals and integration go, I'd give them the upper hand here. There's just more raw media capability in the PS3. But of course, this opinion is sight unseen. So I guess we'll see.
1. They both look cool, but I like the PS3's minimalist look. Marginal win for Sony.

// posted by Rob @ 3:18 a.m. 6 Comments

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

.... He especially likes Number 5 because he thinks it looks like his mom. But in all honesty, his mom is far more beautiful of a woman than Joyce could ever be.

1. They singlehandedly brought about the breakdown of North American Communities.
2. They kill people.
3. They make me super impatient and angry.
4. They are loud, smelly, and loud.
5. They are so necessary to survival in North American society.

1. People fighting ninjas
2. Cowboys dressed like Indians
3. Christopher Walken
4. Explosions and fire
5. Angst


Honorable Mention: Robots with lasers.

1. "Oh Sherrie" - Steve Perry (476 times)
2. "Mambo Number 5" - Lou Vega (354 times)
3. "Hero" - Mariah Carey (292 times)
4. "Amazed" - Lonestar (204 times)
5. =with a bullet= "Speed of Sound" - Coldplay (1024 times a day!)

Affiliated with the "StopFive Critic's Revision" Series

5. Looks. "Visually stunning." -Business Week

4. Power. "Deliciously fast." -New York Times

3. Operating system. "Tiger is the best and most advanced personal computer operating system on the market...it leaves Windows XP in the dust." - Wall Street Journal

2. Applications.
iWork: Pages and Keynote - It's not Microsoft
iLife: GarageBand - "Turn your Mac into a recording studio"
iPhoto - "Organize your digital life"
iMovie - "Fastest, easiest way to turn home movies into Hollywood hits"
iTunes - Simply the best

1. The total package equals more than the sum of its parts.
"The iMac is the gold standard of consumer desktop PCs" -Walt Mossberg, Wall Street Journal
"This baby cooks" -Computerworld, about the MacBook Pro.

Check out how much Macs rule the world:
Macs for Pros

1. Peanut Butter Oh Henry
2. Kit Kat
3. Twix
4. Mr. Big
5. Reese Peanut Butter Cups