Wednesday, November 29
top 5 reasons us Northern Girls are cuter when its 38 below (with the windchill)
1.When its this cold and slippery, we have to walk in tiny little shuffling steps. Nothing looks more vulnerable. and Vulnerable=adorable
2.Parka's, mucklucks. I suppose this is technically two things, but most of us know that its fashionably inappropriate to wear more than one of these at the same time. It's overkill
3.messy hair. On account of the toques or hoods of course
4.pink noses and cheeks.
5.when we stick our arms out of the driver's side window with a long ice scraper to scrape of the windshield.
Of course, these things aren't exclusively girlish. Men are stuck with all these things too. But they just look cold. Us girls look like an old navy commercial.
2.Parka's, mucklucks. I suppose this is technically two things, but most of us know that its fashionably inappropriate to wear more than one of these at the same time. It's overkill
3.messy hair. On account of the toques or hoods of course
4.pink noses and cheeks.
5.when we stick our arms out of the driver's side window with a long ice scraper to scrape of the windshield.
Of course, these things aren't exclusively girlish. Men are stuck with all these things too. But they just look cold. Us girls look like an old navy commercial.
Thursday, November 23
Top 5 Things I miss about college that I never thought I would
1. Meals in the cafeteria, same time, same place, same people...
2. Sitting in a boring class and finding some way - any way at all - to amuse yourself till the end (there were some great notes passed in such circumstances...Moey.. and some great toys that were a result of this - Rocko!)
3. Studying for exams with the classic study gang (I know that not all of you will agree, but I must say, there were some good memories made there)
4. Being stuck on the hill with the same people day after day, after day, after day (sure we went stir-crazy, but we also had a lot of fun doing stupid things)
5. The ongoing battle of the sexes - Girls are lame vs. Boys are Dumb - (this one may never die, but it provided for some greatly dramatic times)
2. Sitting in a boring class and finding some way - any way at all - to amuse yourself till the end (there were some great notes passed in such circumstances...Moey.. and some great toys that were a result of this - Rocko!)
3. Studying for exams with the classic study gang (I know that not all of you will agree, but I must say, there were some good memories made there)
4. Being stuck on the hill with the same people day after day, after day, after day (sure we went stir-crazy, but we also had a lot of fun doing stupid things)
5. The ongoing battle of the sexes - Girls are lame vs. Boys are Dumb - (this one may never die, but it provided for some greatly dramatic times)
Top 5 Slurpee Flavors
1. Cream soda
2. Root beer
3. Orange pop
4. Lime
5. Good ol' pepsi
2. Root beer
3. Orange pop
4. Lime
5. Good ol' pepsi
Top 5 Thoughts on my mind as I sit at work and procastinate (hoping not to be caught)
1. 22 minutes to go
2. I get to see Happy Feet tonight for free - an entire theater rented out for our company by our company (popcorn too)
3. shoot...I almost got caught and now there's more work for me to do...
4. i have a blue and green puffle!
5. i wish this top five was way cooler and exciting (sorry guys, next time i hope...)
2. I get to see Happy Feet tonight for free - an entire theater rented out for our company by our company (popcorn too)
3. shoot...I almost got caught and now there's more work for me to do...
4. i have a blue and green puffle!
5. i wish this top five was way cooler and exciting (sorry guys, next time i hope...)
Top Five Jack Bauer Quotes
As my life is about to have meaning again in about a month and a bit...I hearby give you Jack Bauers greatest lines...however that is to say that anything he says is the greatest thing ever...listening to Jack breathe is the greatest thing ever!
5. I'm federal agent Jack Bauer, and today is the longest day of my life. (Season 1...etc)
4. When I'm finished with you, you're gonna wish that you felt this good again. (Season 5)
3. You are gonna tell me what I wanna know, it's just a matter of how much you want it to hurt. (Season 5)
2. God, forgive me. (Season 3)
1. I'm gonna need a hacksaw. (Season 3)
5. I'm federal agent Jack Bauer, and today is the longest day of my life. (Season 1...etc)
4. When I'm finished with you, you're gonna wish that you felt this good again. (Season 5)
3. You are gonna tell me what I wanna know, it's just a matter of how much you want it to hurt. (Season 5)
2. God, forgive me. (Season 3)
1. I'm gonna need a hacksaw. (Season 3)
Wednesday, November 22
Top 5 Lines from Tobias in Arrested Development
This one's for you Bryan.
1. "Ah every teenager goes through that clumsy adolescence stage, except for me. I was like a cat; I always landed on all fours . . . . Like a cat."
2. "They steamrolled Gobias industries!"
3. "Oh, but give me an old pro like Robert Redford. I'd get into bed with him any day. And I wouldn't just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that's what you're thinking!"
4. "If this tableau I recreate, perhaps I can resnare my mate."
5. "For Lindsay, my rock. I could not have done this without him."
Man, I think I could do one of these per episode. Crazy.
PS. here is my contribution for the facial hair thing.
1. "Ah every teenager goes through that clumsy adolescence stage, except for me. I was like a cat; I always landed on all fours . . . . Like a cat."
2. "They steamrolled Gobias industries!"
3. "Oh, but give me an old pro like Robert Redford. I'd get into bed with him any day. And I wouldn't just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that's what you're thinking!"
4. "If this tableau I recreate, perhaps I can resnare my mate."
5. "For Lindsay, my rock. I could not have done this without him."
Man, I think I could do one of these per episode. Crazy.
PS. here is my contribution for the facial hair thing.
Top 5 favorite Christmas movies...
1) It's a Wonderful Life (THE Ultimate Christmas movie)
2) Little Women ( I know it's not technically a Christmas movie, but this movie is meant to be shown at Christmas time)
3) The Santa Clause (Okay, just the first one, the second and third one sucked!)
4) Elf ("Buddy the Elf, What's your favorite colour?")
5) While you were Sleeping (again, not a Christmas movie, but a movie centered around Christmas that when I watch, makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside)
2) Little Women ( I know it's not technically a Christmas movie, but this movie is meant to be shown at Christmas time)
3) The Santa Clause (Okay, just the first one, the second and third one sucked!)
4) Elf ("Buddy the Elf, What's your favorite colour?")
5) While you were Sleeping (again, not a Christmas movie, but a movie centered around Christmas that when I watch, makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside)
Tuesday, November 21
Top 5 Horribly Underused Words That Each Of You Must Use At Least Once In The Next Week: Volume 1
1. Sicilian
2. Poppycock
3. Defenestrate
4. Smite
5. Behest
2. Poppycock
3. Defenestrate
4. Smite
5. Behest
Saturday, November 18
Top Five Stop Five Facial hair contest!
Seeing as we are into this...the challenge starts today...males, and females if you can pull it off...you have one month to come up with a picture of the radest, and or sickest (the cool or not so cool sick way) facial hair...one month...may the game begin...and seeing as it is no shave november you Summit people have a head start!
PS Dan and Dan it has to be real!! Haha
PS Dan and Dan it has to be real!! Haha
Top 5 - If each mustache contestant was a person we knew, who would they be?
This post was inspired by Sara-Lynn who was thoroughly disgusted by each picture.
1. I'm gonna have to say Ash Poon.... or .... maybe... Dan Kang
2. I'm definitetly gonna have to say..... Ryan Mcquoid aka Ben Kweller
3. Survey says.... Bryan Dubien
4. The only one in our group that could pull this off would have to be... Josh Otto
5. =with a bullet= This is pretty much exactly how Dan Donkers is going to look in 5 years.
1. I'm gonna have to say Ash Poon.... or .... maybe... Dan Kang
2. I'm definitetly gonna have to say..... Ryan Mcquoid aka Ben Kweller
3. Survey says.... Bryan Dubien
4. The only one in our group that could pull this off would have to be... Josh Otto
5. =with a bullet= This is pretty much exactly how Dan Donkers is going to look in 5 years.
Top 5 Greatest Mustaches. Ever.
I was very inspired when I saw kyle's post. So I decided to use that inspiration for the "greater good."
1. the supertrooper
2. the Mc-Arches
3. the Sleaze-Bag
4. the... err... the... wtf????
5. =with a bullet= The Amazing!!!!!!
1. the supertrooper
2. the Mc-Arches
3. the Sleaze-Bag
4. the... err... the... wtf????
5. =with a bullet= The Amazing!!!!!!
Friday, November 17
Top5 Things Dan Didn't Do (But Wanted To) On His Birthday Yesterday
5. Take Tara to the Dutch Pancake House. It's a Dutch birthday tradition thing.
4. Take Rob to the Dutch Pancake House. Apparently if you're Dutch, you have to go there as many times in one day as years you have lived. The last time you go, the time that's also how old you are, you get your birthday number of pancakes free.
3. Have his mom bring him breakfast in bed. Dutch birthdays are very tiring, obviously, due to all the trips to the Pancake House, so a grown Dutch person really needs their strength on birthdays, and that starts with breakfast in bed.
2. Play Dutch Blitz with as many family members and other Dutch people as possible. At the Dutch Pancake House. He really likes the Pancake House.
1. Catch a connecting flight to Holland (or Deutschland as the Dutch people call it) after landing in Toronto, instead of going to his cousin's wedding, but not before stopping for a Dutchie at the Tim Hortons in the airport.
Happy Birthday, Dan!
4. Take Rob to the Dutch Pancake House. Apparently if you're Dutch, you have to go there as many times in one day as years you have lived. The last time you go, the time that's also how old you are, you get your birthday number of pancakes free.
3. Have his mom bring him breakfast in bed. Dutch birthdays are very tiring, obviously, due to all the trips to the Pancake House, so a grown Dutch person really needs their strength on birthdays, and that starts with breakfast in bed.
2. Play Dutch Blitz with as many family members and other Dutch people as possible. At the Dutch Pancake House. He really likes the Pancake House.
1. Catch a connecting flight to Holland (or Deutschland as the Dutch people call it) after landing in Toronto, instead of going to his cousin's wedding, but not before stopping for a Dutchie at the Tim Hortons in the airport.
Happy Birthday, Dan!
Top Five Things Our Church May Do with Our Flooded Parking Lot
5. Drink it...as it may be cleaner than the tap water.
4. Teach small children to swim only after they pay a small admission fee as well as part of our certified instructors salary.
3. Practice our Moses skills
2. Baptize People
1. Whine and Complain to all the pastors every 10 seconds about how we need to fix the problem...obviously.
4. Teach small children to swim only after they pay a small admission fee as well as part of our certified instructors salary.
3. Practice our Moses skills
2. Baptize People
1. Whine and Complain to all the pastors every 10 seconds about how we need to fix the problem...obviously.
Monday, November 13
Top 5 Bands I Listen to Right Now
Yeah, Holly pretty much nailed it for me. That was amazing HA.
1. Hip Hop Hope is pretty cool. They do a lot of original material, but they also do some of these really wicked covers where
2. they take secular rap songs and make them all Christian. They're pretty cool. Like, "I ain't saying you're a gold digger, but
3. you should build treasure in heaven pastor." It's kind of a scathing commentary on the whole money grabbing Christianity
4. thing. Very poignant. Oh, and they also take the swears and replace them with fun, safe words that anyone can enjoy. Like,
5. "Those mega-funky knickers are full of sugar." It's hilarious.
1. Hip Hop Hope is pretty cool. They do a lot of original material, but they also do some of these really wicked covers where
2. they take secular rap songs and make them all Christian. They're pretty cool. Like, "I ain't saying you're a gold digger, but
3. you should build treasure in heaven pastor." It's kind of a scathing commentary on the whole money grabbing Christianity
4. thing. Very poignant. Oh, and they also take the swears and replace them with fun, safe words that anyone can enjoy. Like,
5. "Those mega-funky knickers are full of sugar." It's hilarious.
Sunday, November 12
Top 5 Greatest Beards. Ever.
I spent the last month cultivating a beard with all the passive effort I could muster. Alas, a beard-trimming accident not three days ago resulted in the complete loss of my beautiful work of art. I am sad.
As an ode to five of the greatest beards ever to grace the planet, and as inspiration to myself as I begin the process all over again (not to mention for those gentlemen--and ladies, should they so choose--who are considering partaking in this most holy act of worship unto God), I present the following pictures:
BONUS:
(Because it's that amazing.)
As an ode to five of the greatest beards ever to grace the planet, and as inspiration to myself as I begin the process all over again (not to mention for those gentlemen--and ladies, should they so choose--who are considering partaking in this most holy act of worship unto God), I present the following pictures:
BONUS:
(Because it's that amazing.)
Top 5 Shows I Watch Right Now
1. Heroes
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. House
4. Rescue Me
5. LOST
Bonus: And obviously Arrested Development. But that's on par with breathing, so really it doesn't count...
P.S. Ou! Ou! I forgot. I recently discovered Newsradio -- an old show, but hilarious! Oh Phil Hartman. If only I was a woman. And you were still alive.
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. House
4. Rescue Me
5. LOST
Bonus: And obviously Arrested Development. But that's on par with breathing, so really it doesn't count...
P.S. Ou! Ou! I forgot. I recently discovered Newsradio -- an old show, but hilarious! Oh Phil Hartman. If only I was a woman. And you were still alive.
Top 5 Bands Dan Donkers is listening to secretly in his closet
1. Switchfoot. - He loves them because they're squeaky clean and optomistic (secretly I love this too)
2. Kutless - deep down he wishes he could play the guitar with all those neato riffs
3. Starfield - Because they're dreamy
4. Hip Hop Hope 2007 - This is the third installment in the Christian Hip Hop series. Yes I know this. He mostly likes it because the name is cool.
5. With a Bullet: Nickelback - He cannot get enough of Chad Kroger's voice. Crotch rock is really his favorite genre.
2. Kutless - deep down he wishes he could play the guitar with all those neato riffs
3. Starfield - Because they're dreamy
4. Hip Hop Hope 2007 - This is the third installment in the Christian Hip Hop series. Yes I know this. He mostly likes it because the name is cool.
5. With a Bullet: Nickelback - He cannot get enough of Chad Kroger's voice. Crotch rock is really his favorite genre.
Top 5 Bands I listen to right now
1. mewithoutyou
2. Underoath
3. KaN'aan
4. Ryan Adams
5. CFUR radio - so this isn't a band, but its our pretty frickin fantastic University station. In one sitting you can hear Broken Social Scene, DJ Shadow, and any of Dan Kang's aforementioned pretentious music. I love it.
Honourable mention: Damien Rice, but he's more of a staple. Like rice with stirfry.
2. Underoath
3. KaN'aan
4. Ryan Adams
5. CFUR radio - so this isn't a band, but its our pretty frickin fantastic University station. In one sitting you can hear Broken Social Scene, DJ Shadow, and any of Dan Kang's aforementioned pretentious music. I love it.
Honourable mention: Damien Rice, but he's more of a staple. Like rice with stirfry.
Top 5 Shows I watch right now
1. Seinfeld
2. The NFL today
3. The Office - British - Season 1
4. Arrested Development - Season 1
5. 24 - only in my dreams - Oh Jack, I miss you...
2. The NFL today
3. The Office - British - Season 1
4. Arrested Development - Season 1
5. 24 - only in my dreams - Oh Jack, I miss you...
Top5 Things I Want To Wrench Out
5. My eyes. Both of them. With broken fingernails.
4. My fingernails. With vice grips. Ever seen Syriana? Yeah. Like that.
3. My hair. With hands, pliers, crazy glue and a brick, the raccoons in the backyard, whatever.
2. The beating hearts of my landlords for not soundproofing this m%##!@^*%^@*#g suite.
1. Everything in my stupid car that I can get a halfway decent grip on, followed by lots of stomping and screaming.
Gimme some prayer guys. I'm sorta stressed out right now.
4. My fingernails. With vice grips. Ever seen Syriana? Yeah. Like that.
3. My hair. With hands, pliers, crazy glue and a brick, the raccoons in the backyard, whatever.
2. The beating hearts of my landlords for not soundproofing this m%##!@^*%^@*#g suite.
1. Everything in my stupid car that I can get a halfway decent grip on, followed by lots of stomping and screaming.
Gimme some prayer guys. I'm sorta stressed out right now.
Top5 Shows I Watch Right Now
5. Scrubs. Season 5.
4. Arrested Development. Season 3.
3. Battlestar Galactica 2.0. Season 3.
2. Arrested Development. Season 2.
1. Arrested Development. Season 1.
Honestly, over and over and over again. Even frame by frame, this show is brilliant.
Pass this sTop5 around now.
4. Arrested Development. Season 3.
3. Battlestar Galactica 2.0. Season 3.
2. Arrested Development. Season 2.
1. Arrested Development. Season 1.
Honestly, over and over and over again. Even frame by frame, this show is brilliant.
Pass this sTop5 around now.
Top5 Bands I Listen To Now
5. Neko Case. Fox Confessor Brings The Flood.
4. John Mayer. Continuum.
3. Allison Goldfrapp. Felt Mountain.
2. Wilco. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.
1. Colin Hay. Various acoustic singles.
4. John Mayer. Continuum.
3. Allison Goldfrapp. Felt Mountain.
2. Wilco. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.
1. Colin Hay. Various acoustic singles.
Saturday, November 11
Top Five Bands I Listen to Right Now
5. Jars of Clay (there new CD is amazing!)
4. The Fray
3. Muse
2. Alexisonfire
1. Leeland
4. The Fray
3. Muse
2. Alexisonfire
1. Leeland
Top 5 Bands I Listen To Right Now
1. The Tragically Hip
2. Feist
3. Beck
4. Jack Johnson
5. Wellwater Conspiracy
2. Feist
3. Beck
4. Jack Johnson
5. Wellwater Conspiracy
Top 5 Bands I Listen to Right Now:
1. The Killers
2. The Flaming Lips
3. Jamiroquai
4. Foo Fighters
5. Red Hot Chili Peppers
Honorable Mention: John Mayer
2. The Flaming Lips
3. Jamiroquai
4. Foo Fighters
5. Red Hot Chili Peppers
Honorable Mention: John Mayer
Top 5 Bands I Listen to Right Now
1. Wilco
2. Sigur Ros
3. Brad Mehldau Tro
4. The Rapture
5. Hillsongs United
2. Sigur Ros
3. Brad Mehldau Tro
4. The Rapture
5. Hillsongs United
Top 5 Bands I Am Listening to As We Speak (Yes, Simultaneously!)
1. Emery
2. The Decemberists
3. mewithoutYou
4. Explosions In the Sky
5. The Album Leaf
2. The Decemberists
3. mewithoutYou
4. Explosions In the Sky
5. The Album Leaf
Friday, November 10
Top Five Bands I Listen To Right Now: Kweller
5. Iron and Wine
4. The New Pornographers
3. Pixies
2. Weezer
1. Beck
4. The New Pornographers
3. Pixies
2. Weezer
1. Beck
Top 5 Bands I listen to Right Now
1. Wolf Parade
2. Band of Horses
3. Wilco
4. TV on the Radio
5. The Go! Team
Notable Mention: Thom Yorke
2. Band of Horses
3. Wilco
4. TV on the Radio
5. The Go! Team
Notable Mention: Thom Yorke
Obligatory Top 5 #1: Top 5 Bands I Listen to Right Now
1. Damien Rice
2. Iron and Wine
3. Tom Waits
4. Ben Folds
5. = With a bullet = Feist
and kanye west
so... yeah, if you post here your are obligated to make one, its a new Stop 5 tradition.
Thought I would start with an easy one.
2. Iron and Wine
3. Tom Waits
4. Ben Folds
5. = With a bullet = Feist
and kanye west
so... yeah, if you post here your are obligated to make one, its a new Stop 5 tradition.
Thought I would start with an easy one.
Thursday, November 9
Top 5 Poker Hands
1. Maverik's hand - Able to draw any card from a deck of cards. Entirely useful when on dire straits.
2. The Hot Chick's Hand - Seems to be able to distract even the best of card sharks, though also in drawing alot of attention, for hottness, it seems to tip others off of tells. Tapping teath, looking at nails stuff like that are its downfall.
3. The Cheater's Hand - Cheater's often prosper cause they have neat tricks. often a cheater needs sleaves to get this down, but yeah, cheater's are pretty cool, for their ingenious methods and devices. Their hand's are quicker than your eyes. That's awesome
4. Strait flush
5. The Right Hand - a good hand for when your cheating has gone bad or your winning has gone well.
10 dollar buy-ins at 7pm be there.
2. The Hot Chick's Hand - Seems to be able to distract even the best of card sharks, though also in drawing alot of attention, for hottness, it seems to tip others off of tells. Tapping teath, looking at nails stuff like that are its downfall.
3. The Cheater's Hand - Cheater's often prosper cause they have neat tricks. often a cheater needs sleaves to get this down, but yeah, cheater's are pretty cool, for their ingenious methods and devices. Their hand's are quicker than your eyes. That's awesome
4. Strait flush
5. The Right Hand - a good hand for when your cheating has gone bad or your winning has gone well.
10 dollar buy-ins at 7pm be there.
Wednesday, November 8
Top 5 Reasons I want to be able to Fly
1. Easy travel. I can get to places "as the crow flies." Or, in my case, "as the Dan flies." Although transporting any kind of luggage would be difficult.
2. I think it would impress the lady. I mean, it worked for Peter Pan.
3. The freedom would be amazing. What's a more freeing feeling than flying above the world?
4. I could perform these heroic rescues when people or their cats get stuck in trees and such.
5. I think it's a skill that would come in handy during the impending collapse of Western Civilization.
2. I think it would impress the lady. I mean, it worked for Peter Pan.
3. The freedom would be amazing. What's a more freeing feeling than flying above the world?
4. I could perform these heroic rescues when people or their cats get stuck in trees and such.
5. I think it's a skill that would come in handy during the impending collapse of Western Civilization.
Top 5 Things I Want to do Right Now:
1. Gouge my eyes out
2. Push someone off the Port Mann
3. Stab my ear holes with something sharp
4. Sleep
5. Not be in History of Wetsern Civilization
2. Push someone off the Port Mann
3. Stab my ear holes with something sharp
4. Sleep
5. Not be in History of Wetsern Civilization
Tuesday, November 7
Top 5 Concept Albums of Alltime
1. Okay Computer - Radiohead - machines spirit away the soul of humankind
2. Illonoise - Sufjan Stevens - he is gonna right one about all the states I hear, this one is the best thus far
3. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots - Flaming Lips - Androids are trying to conquer earth, music is earths weopon I guess
4. Downward Spiral - Nine Ince Nails - "Downward Spiral was about peeling off layers and arriving at a naked, ugly end." - trent reznor
5. The Wall - Pink Floyd - The story of Pink and his wall
2. Illonoise - Sufjan Stevens - he is gonna right one about all the states I hear, this one is the best thus far
3. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots - Flaming Lips - Androids are trying to conquer earth, music is earths weopon I guess
4. Downward Spiral - Nine Ince Nails - "Downward Spiral was about peeling off layers and arriving at a naked, ugly end." - trent reznor
5. The Wall - Pink Floyd - The story of Pink and his wall
Top 5 Actors/actresses to Ever Play God/god
1. Audrey Hepburn - Always - perfect
2. Morgan Freeman - Bruce almighty - gently wise
3. George Burns - Oh God - clever
4. Alanis Morissette - Dogma - "add your own characteristic"
5. James Caviezel - The Passion of the Chirst - giving
2. Morgan Freeman - Bruce almighty - gently wise
3. George Burns - Oh God - clever
4. Alanis Morissette - Dogma - "add your own characteristic"
5. James Caviezel - The Passion of the Chirst - giving
Monday, November 6
Top 5 Creepy things about creepy gym guy
1. You know that "putting out" vibe that people give when they're looking and think they're all that...need I say more.
2. This guy is close to 50 years old and he spends most of his time in the gym - I'm sure he's there every day for at least 2 hours.
3. He has more muscles than any 50 year old man should (and I'm usually all for healthy living)
4. He talks to me everytime I am there, but he never initiates conversation with Dan. And he always forgets that he's spoken to me before so it's always the same question: "So, have you been coming to this gym for a while?"
5. *With a bullet* He wears spandex outfits ALL THE TIME! And insists on stretching every way imaginable right in front of the treadmill I'm running on.
Guys, you may think this is just pure awesome, but let me tall you...IT'S NOT!!!! If you think it is, you are totally wrong and God help you in ever finding a nice girl!
2. This guy is close to 50 years old and he spends most of his time in the gym - I'm sure he's there every day for at least 2 hours.
3. He has more muscles than any 50 year old man should (and I'm usually all for healthy living)
4. He talks to me everytime I am there, but he never initiates conversation with Dan. And he always forgets that he's spoken to me before so it's always the same question: "So, have you been coming to this gym for a while?"
5. *With a bullet* He wears spandex outfits ALL THE TIME! And insists on stretching every way imaginable right in front of the treadmill I'm running on.
Guys, you may think this is just pure awesome, but let me tall you...IT'S NOT!!!! If you think it is, you are totally wrong and God help you in ever finding a nice girl!
Top 5 Things that Have Gotten too Cool for their Own Good
1. Those weird shoes with the holes in them. People keep saying, "Oh, but my feet don't smell when I wear them." All I keep hearing is, "The girl at the store told me they looked good on me!"
2. Argyle sweaters.
3. Blogging. What? What's happening? Irony level rising . . . Head close to exploding . . .
4. Crotch rock. Wait, no, that was never cool.
5. Kweller. Yes, that's right Kweller, you have gotten too cool for your own good. Which is why I'm going to pants you today in the cafeteria.
2. Argyle sweaters.
3. Blogging. What? What's happening? Irony level rising . . . Head close to exploding . . .
4. Crotch rock. Wait, no, that was never cool.
5. Kweller. Yes, that's right Kweller, you have gotten too cool for your own good. Which is why I'm going to pants you today in the cafeteria.
Sunday, November 5
The Anouncement
I have seen the inside of the killers album, and yes that is me.
Though, since the album came out, I have been having trouble with my fame, so I have shaved my head but don't worry the beard is still legit.
Though, since the album came out, I have been having trouble with my fame, so I have shaved my head but don't worry the beard is still legit.
Saturday, November 4
Top 5 Disguises to Use In Order To Gain Access To Someone’s Home To Rob It And Yet Not Technically Be ‘Breaking In’, As Defined By The Criminal Code
1. A Clown
Probably the most effective disguise, the clown suit allows a person to arrive unannounced and with little need for an excuse to enter one’s residence. They are universally known for being obnoxious and overbearing, which is a great tool in disorienting the owners of the home you are ripping off. You might also choose to use some of the Joker’s tactics, such as a flower that sprays sleeping gas, to knock out your victims. Also, you will have probably made a child very happy in the process of stealing his television. This could help the judge be more lenient in sentencing you, should you fail to escape.
2. A Long-Lost Cousin/Friend From College/Lover
People are easily embarrassed, and hate to admit they don’t recognize you. This works in your favour when they really don’t, in fact, know you. By pretending to be a special someone from their past, be it distant family or someone with whom they had a one-night stand (though a passionate night it was), they will accept you into their home for fear of looking insensitive and silly. When they lean in to give you a hug, knock them out. Proceed with your pillaging.
3. A Location/Talent Scout for a Movie
People are suckers for fame. Promise them a good cocktail party story (“Yeah, the house they used in that new movie is OUR house! We even got to meet (insert name of famous hot person)! So good!”) and they’ll practically be giving you their stuff. Feel free to video tape the entire thing for laughs later on. Also consider sending them a copy, so as to still give them a good cocktail party story (“Yeah, they told us they were scouts, when really they were just clever thieves! See this part coming up – yeah, that’s when they knocked me flat! So good!”).
4. A Prophet of Apocalyptic Proportions
This works most effectively in ultra-religious neighborhoods. Watch any number of televangelists/Armageddon-zealots and you’ll know that with the appropriate words and force you can scare anyone into doing whatever you want. Leave a bottle of holy water on the way out and you probably won’t have to worry about being reported to the police. Repeat this at the same home several times for maximum looting.
5. Jehovah Witness
Granted, most people avoid letting Jehovah Witnesses into their homes like they avoid drinking expired milk. Which is why this is number 5. Still, it allows a thief to present a meek and mild, even holy appearance, while secretly scheming to be anything but. It also allows for a dramatic entrance: “Hi, my name’s Bill. I’d like to share with you the good news of Jesus Christ…He says to give me all your money, sucka!” At which point it helps to trip them, throw a potato sack over their head, or perform the Vulcan death grip.
Probably the most effective disguise, the clown suit allows a person to arrive unannounced and with little need for an excuse to enter one’s residence. They are universally known for being obnoxious and overbearing, which is a great tool in disorienting the owners of the home you are ripping off. You might also choose to use some of the Joker’s tactics, such as a flower that sprays sleeping gas, to knock out your victims. Also, you will have probably made a child very happy in the process of stealing his television. This could help the judge be more lenient in sentencing you, should you fail to escape.
2. A Long-Lost Cousin/Friend From College/Lover
People are easily embarrassed, and hate to admit they don’t recognize you. This works in your favour when they really don’t, in fact, know you. By pretending to be a special someone from their past, be it distant family or someone with whom they had a one-night stand (though a passionate night it was), they will accept you into their home for fear of looking insensitive and silly. When they lean in to give you a hug, knock them out. Proceed with your pillaging.
3. A Location/Talent Scout for a Movie
People are suckers for fame. Promise them a good cocktail party story (“Yeah, the house they used in that new movie is OUR house! We even got to meet (insert name of famous hot person)! So good!”) and they’ll practically be giving you their stuff. Feel free to video tape the entire thing for laughs later on. Also consider sending them a copy, so as to still give them a good cocktail party story (“Yeah, they told us they were scouts, when really they were just clever thieves! See this part coming up – yeah, that’s when they knocked me flat! So good!”).
4. A Prophet of Apocalyptic Proportions
This works most effectively in ultra-religious neighborhoods. Watch any number of televangelists/Armageddon-zealots and you’ll know that with the appropriate words and force you can scare anyone into doing whatever you want. Leave a bottle of holy water on the way out and you probably won’t have to worry about being reported to the police. Repeat this at the same home several times for maximum looting.
5. Jehovah Witness
Granted, most people avoid letting Jehovah Witnesses into their homes like they avoid drinking expired milk. Which is why this is number 5. Still, it allows a thief to present a meek and mild, even holy appearance, while secretly scheming to be anything but. It also allows for a dramatic entrance: “Hi, my name’s Bill. I’d like to share with you the good news of Jesus Christ…He says to give me all your money, sucka!” At which point it helps to trip them, throw a potato sack over their head, or perform the Vulcan death grip.
Top Five Ways I will make up not paying my dues! (As per others commenting I should but didn't)
5. I will refrain from sending Ryan fan mail addresed to Ben Kweller as the real Ben Kweller has a restraining order against me and by sending my fan mail to Ryan I feel somewhat still apart of the real Ben's life......sigh...
4. I will fly out to Ontario and give Kyle back his protractor I borrowed in our first year...
3. I will go over to Otto's and cheer for the Oilers while they play the Leafs...
2. I will paint a life size picture of Bryan for Dan to place in his office...(Bryan I may need you to pose nude for that one)
1. I will stop trying to steal Dan from Slynn (I can't promise that I won't stop staring at Dan from the tree though...)
4. I will fly out to Ontario and give Kyle back his protractor I borrowed in our first year...
3. I will go over to Otto's and cheer for the Oilers while they play the Leafs...
2. I will paint a life size picture of Bryan for Dan to place in his office...(Bryan I may need you to pose nude for that one)
1. I will stop trying to steal Dan from Slynn (I can't promise that I won't stop staring at Dan from the tree though...)
Top Five Rainy Moments of the Last two Days
5. Waking up to rain gently hitting the roof above me
4. Walking out to my car getting a little wet before entering the dryness that is the inside of my car
3. Going home after work and traffic stuck because people confussed about wet substance on ground and on the windshield of their vehical
2. Realizing cold weather+big rain drops+plus wind can actually form a leathal combo...ie I can't feel my face
1. Having to swim to my car to get to it because the parking lot I parked in flooded
4. Walking out to my car getting a little wet before entering the dryness that is the inside of my car
3. Going home after work and traffic stuck because people confussed about wet substance on ground and on the windshield of their vehical
2. Realizing cold weather+big rain drops+plus wind can actually form a leathal combo...ie I can't feel my face
1. Having to swim to my car to get to it because the parking lot I parked in flooded
Friday, November 3
Top Five Completions of Top 5 Incomplete Sentences Uttered In The Heat of the Moment That Trail Off On the Letter 'A'...
5. Son of a...
5. GOAT
4. PIG
3. FEMALE DOG
2. VOMIT
1. A GOAT THAT WAS INPREGNATED BY A PIG WHO WAS SUFFERING FROM A HANG OVER BECAUSE OF A LATE NIGHT WITH A B...
4. Boy, I'ma gonna...
5. BAKE YOU A NICE CAKE
4. GET A NEW SUIT TAILORED
3. ... I LOVE LAMP
2. FLY TO MOTHER RUSSIA AND STREEK DURING A PARADE
1. PUNCH YOU IN THE OVARY
3. Your mother is a...
5. GOAT
4. PIG
3. VOMIT
2. FINE WINE... BETTER WITH AGE
1. WHORE
2. Why I oughta...
5. GO AND TELL THE WHOLE WORLD HOW REDICULOUSLY GOOD LOOKING DAN IS
4. KISS DAN RING
3. BUY DAN A WHITE SUIT
2. KICK DAN IN THE TEETH
1. CHALLENGE DAN TO A DEATH MATCH.... THE ULTIMATE DEATH
1. I'm gonna kick your a...
5. UTOMOBILE
4. PPLE
3. UNT
2. FRO
1. SS UGLY DOG
Top 5 Reasons the Original Pre-Erasing Stop Five site has become Legendary
1. Its humble beginnings. A simple post, as I recall, on the value of Sean Aston to the film world.
2. Its legendary arguments. The first one of note, of course, involved the means of entering a land of fantastical possibilities.
3. Its traditions (some of which have been continued). Some that come to mind are the monthly "Top 5 Deathmatches," and "Top 5 moments in the life of . . ."
4. Its mysterious "missing posts."
5. Its potential to become a worlwide phenomenon, which I believe has only been increased in this new manifestation of Stop Five Records.
That's my first Stopfive historian post in a long time. My book should be released sometime in the new year.
2. Its legendary arguments. The first one of note, of course, involved the means of entering a land of fantastical possibilities.
3. Its traditions (some of which have been continued). Some that come to mind are the monthly "Top 5 Deathmatches," and "Top 5 moments in the life of . . ."
4. Its mysterious "missing posts."
5. Its potential to become a worlwide phenomenon, which I believe has only been increased in this new manifestation of Stop Five Records.
That's my first Stopfive historian post in a long time. My book should be released sometime in the new year.
Thursday, November 2
Top 5 Incomplete Sentences Uttered In The Heat of the Moment That Trail Off On the Letter 'A'...
1. Son of a...
2. Boy, I'ma gonna...
3. Your mother is a...
4. Why I oughta...
5. I'm gonna kick your a...
2. Boy, I'ma gonna...
3. Your mother is a...
4. Why I oughta...
5. I'm gonna kick your a...
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