Saturday, March 29
Top 5 things to do the day after you "break up" with a girl
1. Be sure to show up to the place where said girl is, and bring a prettier girl with you
2. Make sure the new girl is the "ex" girl's new friend
3. When the girl you've broken up with mentions how lame it is to break up over the phone while in the bath be sure to say "Well, that's the way it happened". Do not under any circumstances apologize.
4. Sit inappropriately close to new girl - this ensures that all people in the room can share in "ex"-girls' discomfort
5. When "ex"-girl tells you she's going home because she's uncomfortable tell her "that's fine". This way she can know you have given her permission to let her leave.
Again, I do not suggest implementing these rules if you are dating a girl with any self-respect. Your evening will end awkwardly, with you and new girl slowly becoming social pariahs. Also the girl with self-respect will have no problem letting you know exactly why you are lame and then tearing you a new one. Then she will probably go home and mock you on the internet for the second time that day.
I'm convinced that my life couldn't be scripted better, even if I had my own sit-com writers.
oh, and The Stewart next friday works for me, but only if you promise to break out the limp. Maybe people will feel sorry for us and we can get a free meal!
Comments:
<< Home
Oh man. That's ridiculous. I think I actually physically cringed while reading all that.
I think perhaps you ought to scoop out his eyeballs with a spoon. And make him eat them.
I think perhaps you ought to scoop out his eyeballs with a spoon. And make him eat them.
I'm so there. Unless of course you're still in PG, in which case I may not. I'll have to get my affairs in order here first.
By the way, I think this guy was giving you the perfect opportunity to do one of two (or both) things that I have ALWAYS wanted to do: 1) throw a cup of water/pop/beer/hot coffee in his face, or 2) dramatically turn over a table full of food/drinks/important papers.
My prayer for you is that the next time you share the same space as him, you remember to do those things. Amen.
By the way, I think this guy was giving you the perfect opportunity to do one of two (or both) things that I have ALWAYS wanted to do: 1) throw a cup of water/pop/beer/hot coffee in his face, or 2) dramatically turn over a table full of food/drinks/important papers.
My prayer for you is that the next time you share the same space as him, you remember to do those things. Amen.
Unfortunately I am in PG. But go ahead and get your affairs in order and head on up. this place could clearly use a good man (though "getting your affairs in order" makes you sound as though you plan on dying soon - please don't). I was thinking of dramatically slapping him. I would love to do the drink thing or the table thing. The problem is that we hang out with the same group of friends and we are often at their house. This would mean messing up the house of an innocent and neat-freakish type person.
Oh, and thanks new girl. I think I'm going to like you. I was already sold on your hairbrush post.
Post a Comment
Oh, and thanks new girl. I think I'm going to like you. I was already sold on your hairbrush post.
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]