Stop Five Records

1. "Facebook is making people stupid! I can't believe the things they say and do on it. Do they know they're broadcasting their ridiculous thoughts to the world? I should quit Facebook. That'll show 'em!"

2. "Okay, Jeopardy is on at 4:30, 5:30, 6:30, or 7:30. I've got to make sure I catch it at one of those times. Maybe I'll do 6:30. I can eat my soft pasta dinner while I'm watching it."

3. "I'm going to just lie down while I read this book. If I nap, I nap. You know what, forget it. I'm just going to nap."

4. "What's with all these commercials on TV? Why do people need so many things to entertain them? I remember the days where all I had was a big field with a tree in it. It kept me occupied for hours."

5. "Everyone else on this road is stupid. They don't know how to drive. GET OFF MY ROAD!"

1. Last week he doesn't get up. I knock on the door and ask, "Aren't you going to school?" He replies with "my arm hurts."

2. "My Stomach hurts."

3. Two days ago I get an email that he has skipped 3 blocks. When I confront him about it, he tells me that he went to a drugstore to buy medicine for his stomach, and that's why he skipped 3 blocks.

4. Yesterday he proceeds to tell Sara-Lynn and I that he often misses school because of his stomach aches and then proceeds to tell us that he has a hole in his stomach. To which I respond, that's called an ulcer and you need to get medical attention immediately. He then tells us that it's not that bad.

5. This morning he is late again, I ask if he's going to school. He responds with, "I poo a lot this morning."

Why do I get the feeling this kid is going to be a problem for us?

There is way too much to do in NYC. But if you go, check out some of the places I enjoyed the most. Who knows, you may enjoy them too! This list is in no particular order.

1. Williamsburg, Brooklyn - This is Hipster central. But if you're looking for good coffee, good food all at a good price, then check it out. Also, Williamsburg has a lot of great shows in the evening. Totally worth checking out. Favorite spot to eat? Definitely check out: egg
- Here's what I ordered: 2 cup French Press, Carmelized Grapefruit with mint, and Duck hash.

2. SOHO - If you're in NYC to do some serious shopping, soho is the place to be. Kind of expensive, but still tons of fun.

3. Arturo's Coal Oven Pizza - They have a bathtub in their washroom! Where in NYC can you have coal oven pizza and enjoy a soothing bath afterwards? The food is excellent, and they have live jazz every night. It's a really busy place, and really crowded. But totally worth checking out.

4. Chelsea Market - it's kind of like the NYC version of Pikes Place market. Go and find the Ninja Turtle cupcake and buy it for me.

5. Radio City Music Hall - If you happen to be in New York, and there's a concert worth checking out at this venue, I highly recommend you do! It was like being inside the orpheum times 3!!!! Watching Brooklyn's Tv on the Radio was quite entertaining. Personally I think a Wilco show, or a Sigur Ros show would be phenomenal!

1. Staying up late. Everyone loves staying up late. Especially if it's because you keep running to the washroom.

2. Talking like a drunk toad. I feel it makes my voice sound . . . intriguing.

3. Playing sports while sick. It takes sick to a whole new level.

4. People keeping their distance. Because I never was a big fan of human contact.

5. The unending tiredness. Being tired is fun, right?

Can you tell I don't get sick very often?

And this is how I feel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz6DktXFvg4

1. He has plans on starting his Master's degree in the fall. (Good luck on the thesis without caffeine).

2. His dad works at Dairyland/Saputo, think about how much free cream you could get!

3. He STILL drinks Coke. Dude, you're turning 29. Time to give it up.

4. Coffee is the way of Capitalism and Democracy! If you switch to Herbal Tea instead of Coffee, I guarantee within a years time you will be a full-fledged Communist. Anton would not approve.

5. Coffee is the Pentecostal Wine.

March 15 is known as the "Ides of March." "Beware the Ides of March," they say. With good reason. It didn't go very well for Julius Caesar.

1. 44 BC. Julius Caesar is stabbed by Brutus, along with a gang of Senators. Gangs have gotten much less political since then. But no less violent.

2. 1545 AD. The council of Trent holds its first meeting. I assume it was mostly a meet and greet. Probably some light appetizers were served, like whole roasted chickens and such.

3. 1672 AD. King Charles II of England issues the Royal Declaration of Indulgence. Several of his subjects die of ice cream overdose on this very day.

4. 1820 AD. Maine becomes the 23rd US state. Nobody told them that America was just doing it for the lobsters.

5. 1990 AD. Mikael Gorbachev is elected as the first president of the Soviet Union. Which he promptly proceeds to dismantle.

1. "The Cat in the Bag"
2. "The Silver Dollar Bill"
3. "The International Spy who Misses his Mother"
4. "The Passive-Agressive Shoeshine Shenanigan"
5. "The Stunt Double's Double Stunt"

Any of these will make you millions. I suggest you try them.

1. Beige or White colour. It's just not me.
2. Microfibre/microsuede. I hate it with a fiery passion.
3. Leather. I just never, ever want to own a leather couch.
4. Hideous floral patterns. I feel like that one is self explanatory.
5. Ikea's flat, uncomfortable, boring, obviously-from-Ikea collection. I love Ikea but not these.

BONUS LIST

Top 5 Types of Couches/Living Room Furniture Found On Craigslist

1. Beige or White colour
2. Microfibre/microsuede
3. Leather
4. Hideous floral patterns
5. Ikea's flat, uncomfortable, boring, obviously-from-Ikea collection

For the record, I watched it with my wife. Not alone. I promise.

1. Women absolutely freak out when their hair gets changed. There is no exception. I think hair salons need cry rooms.

2. Tyra banks considers herself to be quite important. I'm glad she thinks so, because I've never really given it much thought.

3. If you want to be a man in the fashion industry, you're better off being gay. I don't know why, it's just how things are.

4. "Couture" is probably just another word for "bizarre and impractical." But people seem to like it. At least the really artsy people on the show like it.

5. Nineteen year olds may think they know what they're doing, but they generally don't. It's cute when that shows up on TV.

I had no idea! It's good to be back. I think.

1. Created the most awesome sport ever invented. It is called Pepsiball (at least until Pepsi sues me). I will have video of it soon enough.

2. Resigned my post as Summit Pacific College recruiter to pursue my Master's degree.

3. Started work on The Rocket's book. Yes, he will have a book.

4. Found Andrew Blackwood. Then promptly lost him again.

5. Joined Twitter. So that the world can hear my unnecessary thoughts as soon as they come to me. And so I can have "followers."

1. He's out playing "pepsi ball" or whatever the heck you call that game! What even is that game? Dan, why are all your facebook status' about pepsi ball?

2. He's working on his Masters' thesis: "Hidden Biblical Messages Found Within Backstreet Boys Records! (When you play them backwards of course)".

3. He is trapped inside a video game in search for his long lost father.

4. He no longer respects me because I pronounce "milk" "malk".

5. He's become an understudy for the Blue Man Group.

1. This blog began with, and was inspired by, the communication form of language, not pictures.
2. Pictures convey someone else's thoughts, not necessarily the thoughts of the writer.
3. Despite my latest post, I like that this blog is internally sourced (meaning you don't need to search "the internet" for outside ideas and that you can find entertainment strictly from the writing of your fellow friends)
4. So many blogs these days are overrun with pictures taken by any amateur and lose the meaning of the words.
5. I can't think of anything else, and I recognize this post is not the most eloquent... but all I wanted to say is...down with the pictures! (Am I alone in this thought?)

1. http://www.rogerandrosaleen.blogspot.com/ - This one used to be full of more great home ideas, but has recently turned more personal so I feel like I am creeping in on the family's life. Fun times.

2. http://www.nourishingmeals.com/ - Full of great meal and home ideas, especially because we've been on a gluten/dairy/sugar/caffeine cleanse the past little while.

3. http://athomeinteriors.blogspot.com/ - This blog belongs to my good friend and it's great to cheer her on!

4. http://www.younghouselove.com/ - Another one creeping in on a young couple that bought and loved their first home... and have now moved on to another home and project to make their own.

5. (My favorite and new obsession) http://mrmrsglobetrot.blogspot.com/ - *Warning* This blog WILL inspire a wanderlust if you have ever experienced one before...

(Really, there were only a handful of people dressed up but still...)

1. Dicky Ekland and his trashy sister - The Fighter
2. Aron Rawlston - 127 Hours
3. Natalie Portman - The Black Swan
4. Audrey Hepburn - Classic
5. *With a bullet* Bret and Germaine - Flight of the Choncords

1. I posted a prediction on Facebook about this blog's revival! Don't make me out to be a Facebook lier!

2. "Blogging" sounds way cooler than "tweeting"

3. If we keep blogging on here, maybe just maybe, we will summon Andrew Blackwood back to life!

4. Melissa now works at the Disney Store... She must be full of Top 5 lists by now! "Top 5 Disney Stuffed Animals!" "Top 5 Reasons why Goofy can talk, and Pluto cannot!" "Top 5 Most Handsome Princes" "Top 5 Skankiest Princesses" etc... etc...

5. Dan Donkers' wordpress blog hasn't been updated in months! Dan, you might as well just come back!

1. James Jamerson - part of the Funk Brothers in Detroit. The Funk Brothers have more number one hits than any artist. Jamerson was and is still an inspiration to anyone aspiring to be good at bass.

2. Jaco Pastorius - Man Weather Report is soooo cheesy, and half the time Jaco is wearing the most hideous outfits. But man, was he ever good at bass. His precision and articulation on a fretless is inspiring!

3. Josh Ward - Bassist for Hey Rosetta! Have you heard this guy? He plays a six string bass, and he is phenomenal! His lines are so melodic! Easily one of my favorite players these days.

4. Juan Alderete - Bassist for the Mars Volta. This guy is legit! So good, so underrated! I'm not super into the Mars Volta, but Alderete is a man I respect! His fretless work is fantastic! Not to mention he used to play in the speed metal band Racer X back in the day!

5. John Entwistle - If there was ever a bassist I aspired to play like, it would definitely be John Entwistle! He is a legend! His tone, his basslines, everything about the way he played was pure energy!

1. James Franco gets his arm caught underneath an Oscar and is forced to saw off his own arm on live television.

2. Natalie Portman wins for best actress. She accepts her award with a posse stuffed animals.

3. Geoffrey Rush wins for best supporting actor and stammers through his entire acceptance speech.

4. Anne Hathaway asks why she was never nominated for "The Princess Diaries" and "The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement".

5. Javier Bardem loses to Colin Firth for Best Actor. In retaliation, Bardem kills Firth with a Captive Bolt Pistol (cattle gun).

I was inspired on my drive home from work yesterday by a guy who cut me off with his #3.

Disclaimer: there are a lot of ugly vehicles out there. I drive an ugly truck (well, let's just say it's not *pretty*). But I also got it for free. And it's from the early 90's--ancient history.

No, I'm more concerned with those vehicles manufactured in the last decade, and which cost their owners a substantial amount of money. Newness + cost + dorkiness = this list.

5. Chrysler PT Cruiser


4. Chevy Avalanche

(Might not be so bad if it weren't for the box. Too short, too much plastic. This one is also orange, which is a triple-negative and would, in a fair Universe, implode.)

3. Honda Ridgeline

(I would say something about this one, but it's so dorky looking the best I can do is a laugh, and that doesn't translate well into text.)

2. Pontiac Aztek

(Someone/some people was/were paid to design this. And then someone/some people approved it. Other people set up plants to manufacture it. A dealer kept a straight face while selling it. And someone bought it. That makes me sad.)

1. Hummer

(Granted, this particular Hummer is every kind of wrong -- fancy rims, bright orange paint, chrome. But no other vehicle makes me laugh so consistently when I see one on the road. It is so over the top it's ridiculous. It isn't uniquely powerful, it's expensive (to buy, to fix, to operate), it serves no function that another SUV couldn't do just as well--nay, better. Worst of all? It looks butt-ugly.)

1. Finding a student microwaving his lunch (leftovers) in a tupperware container, and then packing it in a bag to eat 4 hour later.

2. Hearing the off-tune singing of Korean pop songs wafting up to our bedroom from below us while trying to sleep.

3. Having to create a "rule" that our student has to leave the house at least once over the weekend, after he spent 3 days solid without leaving the house (and no, he was not sick)

4. Answering phone calls from parents who chat and chat in their own language, seemingly oblivious to the fact that you do not understand a word they are saying.

5. Editing english homework that has CLEARLY been copied straight out of google translator (The love of the heart in devotion leaps and affection fond memories...) This went on for a good three lines of complete jibberish.

1. Bryan Dubien
2. Dan Donkers
3. Kyle Stewart
4. Melissa Mowat
5. =with a bullet= Daniel Kang

5. An empty beer bottle.
4. A vase (with or without flowers).
3. A sink.
2. A wheat field.
1. International Space Station.

1.
Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks

2.
Anonymous Philanthropist Donates 200 Human Kidneys To Hospital

3.
New Live Poll Allows Pundits To Pander To Viewers In Real Time

4.
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

5.
Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

5. Stuff Christians Like ...Jesus
4. Summit Pacific College...Donkers
3. Matthew A. Hawkins...Matthew A. Hawkins
2. Think vs. Thought...Dr Stewart
1. Weddings in Motion...yep that's me...

Now in easier to read recipe form!

5. Mix one-half Border Collie with one-half Sussex Spaniel. If you are fresh out of Sussex Spaniel, any of the more common spaniels will do in a pinch.
Result: An attentive, energetic, and highly intelligent dog, though a bit precocious and with a definite tendency towards cheekiness.

4. First combine a Golden Labrador Retriever with any light-coloured Standard Poodle. You should end up with what is commonly (though exasperatingly) called a "Labradoodle". Next, take this "Labradoodle" and combine it with another Golden Lab Retriever to end up with what I like to think is a much more serious breed, the Labradabbadoodle.
Result: A nicely mannered, hypo-allergenic dog that doesn't look anything remotely like a poodle. Everybody wins.

3. Chef's Surprise. This is a fun recipe to try when you have friends coming over, or are planning on hosting a large party of some sort. Simply walk into the SPCA or your local dog pound and pick the first two canine ingredients that you see.
Result: Is anybody's guess, and the beauty is, you get a different result every time!

2. Take a common Whippet and combine it in the normal way with a German Shepherd. Allow to mature for approximately one year, then lock in an unadorned room with a wild Coyote of the opposite gender. (You may have to travel to a country market or even into the hills surrounding your town to collect a genuinely wild Coyote, but the effort is worth it, as the wild variety tends to be more delightfully unpredictable and this will show in the final product.) Wait approximately one hour. The time may vary depending on the situation; use your best judgment.
Result: After a suitable period of gestation, assuming you have followed the recipe correctly, you should be left with an obedient medium-sized, short-haired, large-eared little fellow who displays a quiet but engagingly friendly curiosity. Caution: be sure to return the wild Coyote to where you found him; the authorities seem to dislike when people transport this type of ingredient away from its natural habitat.

1. Take one-half Timber Wolf (or other variety, as long as it is a genuine Wolf) and combine with one-quarter German Shepherd and one-quarter Japanese Akita by the usual method. Acquiring the necessary Wolf component of this recipe may require a bit of persistence on your part, but it is well worth the effort. For detailed information on how to do so, see Farley Mowat's famous 18th century Canadian work, Never Cry Wolfe: Capturing Lupus by the Use of Stealthe & Sneakery. Also if you can pick up a dog that is already one-half German Shepherd and one-half Akita, you might save yourself some time (which you will need to go after that Wolf).
Result: If you manage to get this far, you should have a rather large dog with a distinctly wolfish head, a harsh, long, wild waterproof outer coat insulated with a thick, soft undercoat, and a quietly loyal and friendly disposition.

Happy breeding!

1. The fog rolls in around Cannon Beach. I don't know where it stops. Conspiracy? Perhaps.
2. Coastal Oregonians have never heard of perogies. No grocery store has them. Conspiracy? I think yes.
3. You are not allowed to pump your own gas in Oregon. It is against the law. Conspiracy? The answer should be clear to you.
4. Tillamook cheese is delicious, yet strangely inaccessible outside of Oregon. Conspiracy? No question.
5. The state parks are beautiful, clean, and family friendly. Conspiracy? I often wonder.

One:


Two:


Three:


Four:


Five:

1. A
2. E
3. I
4. O
5. U

Suck on that, Y.

We need a post here. Stat.
1. Apparently, in a room full of people browsing a video store, it is perfectly acceptable to chastise your child with what one could call a horrifyingly demonic voice, and when that does not work, to shove said horrified child out of your way. It must be acceptable behaviour, as I was the only one to stare at the demon-voiced woman in abject terror, while everyone went about their business as if nothing untowards had happened. Lesson well learned.
2. While walking about the other day I came across a movie poster for a movie called 8 x 10. There is really nothing special about said movie poster, except for its tag line, "He has the power...to see the past." I am not an expert in super powers, but I am fairly sure that I myself possibly have that power as well. All this time I thought having a long term memory and access to history books was a common thing. Thank you terrible movie tag line for showing me how wrong I was.
3. When someone yells,"duck!" Don't be a smart alec and reply,"where?" It only ends in tears. Well, tears and headaches.
4. The only thing more entertaining than the TV show So You Think You Can Dance (yes, yes I am a fan) is the wildly popular entertainment provided by the dregs of Surrey called So You Think You Can Walk, whereupon an unsuspecting pedestrian must risk life and limb to save the life of a mid-afternoon lush as he tries to weave his way into heavy traffic.
5. The best thing about a graveyard shift is quitting it.

1. Jack Bauer (a stopfive favourite).
2. Evil (although we all know its ultimate fate).
3. Stop Six Records (a vengeance blog)
4. My inexplicable love for the Apprentice (although not the celebrity seasons)
5. Jhen Bonson (The scandinavian nemesis of Ben Johnson)

1. Jesus
2. Cockroaches
3. Steven Seagal's career
4. Lance Armstrong
5. Stop Five Records

5. Top 5 Trinidad

4. Top5 Jamaica

3. What's Your Top 5?

2. Prudential Top 5 Real Estate

1. Top 5

1. I do quite enjoy their music. And although I'm not a big fan of the last 2 albums, I think they'll play lots of their classics.

2. We had tax return money to spend. Hurrah!

3. U2 seems like one of those seminal bands of our generation. I'd like to say I've seen them at least once. Does that make me a slave to the culture? Probably.

4. Black Eye Peas are opening. I hate the Black Eye Peas. They almost stopped me from going to this show. Fergie is trying to hurry the apocolypse.

5. It will be a night out with my wife. Hooray!

1. Playing soccer / rock climbing.

2. Writing a brilliant song.

3. Flying on a plane to Venezuela.

4. Working as a nurse already.

5. Chatting with Jesus in heaven.

1. Listening to "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight" by The Postal Service.

2. Lying on my bed with my laptop on my stomach, typing.

3. Thinking about lists of five.

4. Wondering why I seem to be strangely weak and shaky.

5. Making funny faces and noises at my reflection on my laptop screen. Eeehggn, uuuoooh, sssssssssttt...

1. Cleaning my apartment. I kinda let it slide for a bit, since I've been sick and busy and all...

2. Playing the bongo drums.

3. Writing my bioethics paper and studying for the exam on Monday.

4. Doing this personality test thing my mother wants me to do (for the purpose of psychoanalyzing me, no doubt).

5. Exercising.

1. Successful birth of their first (and subsequent) human-robot hybrid baby.

2. The marriage of Princess Xeno of Planet Zorgon to Prince Shrathakja of Planet 4376-2, effectively ending generations of interplanetary strife.

3. Someone finally invents that damned flying car.

4. Cotton will no longer shrink.

5. Rather than a dramatic and horrifying death that annihilates our galaxy--and with it the memory of the human species--the Sun will simply "shut off." Mankind, battling the immediate and terrifying cold, will reclaim campfire songs as anthems of the human race; smores will become primary sustenance; hot chocolate, the new nectar of the gods. Boy Scouts will rule the earth with fairness, courtesy, and above all, the pledge to "Do a Good Turn Daily."