Stop Five Records

1. A lady with a messed up face gets on the bus. I wonder if I'm crazy because no one else seems to notice or care. It turns out to be a Halloween costume. How do you accessorize with a messed up face? Obviously you use a morbidly obese midget riding a child size scooter. Nothing screams class like a carnival sideshow.
2. I think that if your preferred choice of dress is long leather overcoats, stark black clothes and excessive amounts of makeup, you probably should not be a rapper. I don't want to pigeon hole anyone here, but last time I checked gangsta was not spelled M-A-R-Y-L-I-N M-A-N-S-O-N. Also, if Dr. Suess can give you a run for your money in coming up with clever rhymes, take your makeup covered face and find a new line of work. Nothing rhymes with orange, not even blorange.
3. If life had rules like unions, I would stay home sick from life at least once a week. Also, I would use my shop steward (life steward?) powers to overtake a small nation (no on is going to notice Greenland is missing) and create it in my image. There would be no more graveyard shifts.
4. Is excessive amounts of coffee drinking considered substance abuse? I mean, it's not to the point where I am sneaking off to the bathroom to drink cups of coffee off of a toilet bowl, but where is the line between liking coffee, and shooting it directly into my veins? Maybe there are just too many shades of grey.
5. Go buy Joel Reimers CD "A Little Honesty" on itunes. Now. Or he will be paying you a little visit. He doesn't want to, but he will, it's part of his new business strategy.