Monday, May 12

Top 5 Moments From 30 Rock's Season Finale

[Barging into Jack's old office to talk to him...]
Liz Lemon: Oh! I’m sorry. I don’t know why I even…came up…here. [Looks around at all the stuffed unicorns in the office.] I mean, I know Jack’s not up here. Boy, I’m really going a little crazy. Haha. I don’t suppose you want to be my “sounding board”? Haha.
Kathy Geiss: [Pulls a toy car from her mouth.]
Liz Lemon: Ah. You’re busy. I’ll come back another time.
Kathy Geiss: [Puts the toy car back in her mouth.]

Cooter: Our first order of business. The city of Portland has requested 9 million dollars to shore up its dam system.
Randall: I can’t support that. Damn is a swear word. I’d support it if instead of a dam we called it a God Finger…

[Looking for a way to get fired from their government jobs.]
Jack Donaghy: Whatever we come up with has got to be wasteful, embarrassing to the administration, and upsetting to the voters.
Cooter: Holy smoke…
Jack Donaghy: What’ve you got?
Cooter: In 1994, the Pentagon explored the possibility of a non-lethal chemical weapon that would “reduce enemy soldier’s combat posture by making them totally gay-bones for each other.”
Jack Donaghy: How gay?
Cooter: It doesn’t say. The project was abandoned in the planning stages.
Jack Donaghy: Of course it was. It would have been expensive, impractical, and offensive to both the red states and the gay or blue states.
Cooter: This is exactly what we’re looking for!
Jack Donaghy: A guaranteed disaster. Like eating a burrito before sex.

--3 Months Later--

[In a dark room at the Pentagon, with several high ranking military officials.]
Jack Donaghy: Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that the Gay Bomb could not be effectively weaponized. The chemical dissipates harmlessly in open, tactical environments. And frankly could only work if somehow we could get the enemy in a closed, unventilated space.
Cooter: Ou! Pens!
[Knocks over the Gay Bomb canister. It breaks.]
Cooter: I feel weird.
Jack Donaghy: Let’s do this.

Frank: [Hands Tracy the copy of his porn video game.] Dude, I played this thing for a couple hours. It’s ok, I guess.
Tracy: Frank, you’ve been in your office for three months!
Frank: [Looks in mirror. Has a full beard.] WHAT?!
Tracy: YES! I’m going to be a billionaire!

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