Friday, March 28

Top 5 ways to "break up" with a girl

1. Do it over the phone, that way you won't have to see her face to face.  This is particularly acceptable in the 9th grade.  however, its still not too late in your mid twenties
2. After you tell her that you aren't ready for commitment, say "I hope you can handle it".  Make sure that you say this to a girl with self-respect, then she can enjoy this as a humorous story to tell her friends later.  Also, make sure you say it to a girl who hasn't actually asked you for a commitment
3.  Break up with her while you are in the bath.  This way you can multi-task innapropriately, letting her know how insensitive and creepy you really are.
4.  Lie about being in the bath - then splash around a little bit.
5.  Don't end the conversation.  Just be awkwardly quiet and make her talk.  This will work in your favour because no matter how she ends the conversation, you can say that she got mad and hung up on you.

These of course are not recommended to follow if you have any social decency whatsoever.  These rules are only to be implemented if you want to save her from any pain.  If you follow these rules, you will turn the situation into one where she feels very relieved because she "dodged the bullet" that is you.  

Yes everyone, this actually happened to me.  I have got to stop dating hot guys!  

Now if anyone knows a man with "invisible friends" or a guy who fakes a limp for attention let me know.  Then I can date him and my collection of crazies will be complete.  

at least you have a collection.

hobbies are good.
Wow HA, wow. PS. when Tara read that he was in the bath, she said "Eww!" I think that sums it up quite well. Good for you on dodging the bullet.
You know, I used to pretend I had a limp.

Well, ok, close to it. when I was born I had a foot that curved inward, causing me to trip and fall -- often. Opting to let nature do its magic, my parents declined surgery and my foot managed to straighten. When I was 7 or 8 or 15 or so, and I found this all out, I decided it would be cool to fake having my ol' gimped foot again. I thought it was endearing. Of course, I'm still single.

I also had a gang of invisible friends.

I'm hitting 2-for-2 here, Holly. What else you got?
um, holl, I think the stewart is trying to ask you out...
I say yes - The stewart is awesome!
Man, you can't make this shit up!
Thank you Tara for the EW! It does sum it up doesn't it?

and no Rob, you can't make this shit up. I wish I could. I do have to keep good record of it, since I'm sure there is a need for more Bridget Jones fodder.
I think this does not sound like a hot guy holly. I think you need to start dating hot guys.
haha, that was bryan, not zoe
wow zoe/bryan. That's a really good point. I guess he's not hot - Just architecturally sound
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