Wednesday, January 30

Top 5 Backstreet Boys, with Corresponding Characters from the "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" Video

So Tara is a huge BSB (that's Backstreet Boys, not Bart Simpson Bomb) fan, and yesterday we watched a few of their videos. I've been learning a lot about them lately, enough to comfortably rate them based on apparent talent and personal preference.

1. Brian - The Werewolf. Brian really is the standout among this gang of young (but getting older) men. His powerhouse vocals definitely drive the band, and he gets a lion's (or werewolf's) share of the solos. And he is a goodly Christian young man, which means he has crossover appeal. Tara also thinks he's the best looking. I always thought he looked a little squirrely, but I've gained a new respect for him.

2. Nick - The Mummy. It really pains me to put this guy so high, but he's clearly the number 2 guy. I can't argue with BSB's hierarchy. Literally, people get hurt for arguing with their hierarchy. He's the freshfaced kid of the group (he recently turned 28) with the high end range. There's a boyish charm to his sound and his look. Nick is definitely second in command when it comes to solos. I must say however, if you've never seen a mummy seductively ask, "Am I sexual," you're probably better off. All in all, he's my least favourite.

3. AJ - The Phantom of the Operaesque character. AJ is all party and sex appeal. He's got that throaty warble that works great for songs like "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" and "We've Got it Going On." He also gets a lot of those "oh yeah" solo moments over the choruses. I don't really like his look (too many hair colour changes and weird goatees) but he definitely contributes vocally. His dance moves seem to be "off the hook." But I've only seen the slow videos mostly, so there's a lot of him looking like he's praying, or laughing cheesily with the other guys so that girls think he's fun.

4. Howie - The Vampire. Half of the "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" video revolves around this girl who Howie eventually bites. Nothing seems to happen to her, which would suggest that Howie's a pretty ineffectual vampire. His "bark is worse than his bite" so to speak. And I think that assessment would ring true of his general role in the BSB. Sure he gets a few lines here and there, and his wardrobe seems to be the best out of the five, but ultimately he's not the one for me (pronounced "mayhay").

5. Kevin - The Twoface. What can I say about Kevin? He spends the entire video showing us that he has half a real face and half a lizard face. Fitting, since Kevin is definitely the most creepy of the BSB. There's just this sense that he's older than he looks, and he's not afraid to lie about that fact. I suspect he's the bassiest of the BSB singers, and he probably has the smallest range. And you know what they say about guys with small range. He tries to compensate with inordinate amounts of leather. It just doesn't work for him. I know all the BSB are important to the overall chemistry of the group, but I would consider Kevin the most dispensable.

i am happy to say that i have no idea which 'BSB' is which, nor have i seen the the video of which you speak. it shall remain as such.
I don't know Moe, that video could change your life. It's on Youtube right now. Just waiting . . .
This makes me sad.
This blog tickles a weird part of my brain. Its the part where disgust for my pop-poster filled teenage room resides. And yet its funny at the same time. Has Donkers gone to the dark side?
BSB were like the middle child of an ugly family. If you liked ugly families (AKA bubblegum boy bands), and let's face it, even ugly families have redeeming qualities, then BSB were the middle child that didn't offend, but didn't really endear either. They were just...there. Of course Boyz 2 Men were the older child, bold, direct, charming, and gutsy. And 'NSync were the cool, fun loving, smart younger sibling that made everyone feel good. Here's a neat question: where do you think New Kids on the Block and Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch fit in this analogy?
This comment has been removed by the author.
The grandparents.

Who died of brain aneurisms.
Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch weren't a boy band, were they?
No. But Mark Wahlberg's brother is Donnie Wahlberg, and he was in NKOTB, so I think that counts.
sorry...that anonymous was me...and no, i don't think you can grandfather marky mark in like that.
I had a dream where marky mark was really buff, really gay, and really agressively hitting on me. As in, like, chasing me. It scared the crap out of me. Seriously, scary. Anyways, that being said, he wasn't a boy band. He was clearly (in musical terms) a one hit wonder.
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