Stop Five Records

1. My computer accidentally got set to a Korean setting, and I couldn't read anything worth a damn, eventually I decided to secretly sleep in Dan's parents bedroom closet in an attempt to pick up Korean. It's amazing what you can figure out from a few words such as "Ne" which was repeated over and over, and "Yeogin neomue dowoyo haeyo!"
2. I got stuck in the machine that takes my blood pressure at London Drugs, lost all feeling in my left arm, and eventually went to the hospital unconscious due to repeated blows to the head from a disgruntled, diabetic senior wishing to use the machine...
3. In an effort to find more time in the day, I set half the clocks in my house half an hour ahead, and the other half an hour behind thus adding an hour to my day, however not realizing what the ramifications of my actions, I created a time rift in my apartment, living a "Groundhog Day" type loop, only to be stopped by hitting and killing a fly whilst scratching my upper thigh at the same time.
4. In an effort to become more popular than Jane Goodall, I spent 3 months in the amazon studying extensively the lives of a group of wild brazilian Emperor tamarin however realizing after 2 and a half months that I was in Albuquerque, New Mexico looking at this.
5. I'm lazy!